I have always been a capable person…
I was brought up by my parents to be self-sufficient…
Life taught me that unless I stood on my own two feet, I would be done for…
Events with people trained me not to trust them…
And though I have always been spiritual, religion taught me to be afraid of God so I did not really trust that I would be taken care of…
If anything I thought I would be punished…
And so, it was all on me.
Or so I allowed myself to think…
And when the trials of life got me down, I would go passive…
Feel victimized by it all…
And retreat.
Hide behind platitudes…
Speak with religious speak that did not really mean anything to me as I did not trust this God of religion…
But hey, it made me sound like I had faith.
And so that made me acceptable to the people I moved around with…
All the while, I was ignoring the wisdom I knew deep in my heart…
MY SOURCE IS NOT WITHOUT. IT IS WITHIN.
I was ignoring this wisdom and trying to get wisdom to do life from the people around me…
I was reading books – nothing wrong with that
I was listening to lectures, personal development stuff, christian teaching – nothing wrong with any of that
I was trying to act reasonably, practically – nothing wrong with that
But I was not going within and trusting what I found there – EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
I had more faith in everything external than I did in anything internal…
And even as I write this…
I know that some people reading it will think that I am making a mountain out of a molehill…
that, of course, you need to do all the things mentioned above in order to live well…
And I suppose I did get a level of success, as defined by the world…
I was a pharmacist
I had houses, cars etc
So yep, it did do me well to put trust in all the external stuff…
But the thing you would miss, is the feeling of ‘Is this it?’
The low-level depression that dogged me…
the knowledge that I was called to something more and I was avoiding it, trying to keep up with appearances…
I was in pain…
I did not want to admit it.
Because then it would mean that everything I worked for, was worthless…
I might have to go back into the fray and who knows what could happen there…
Would I come out alive?
It had taken me aeons to work up to this point, how could I now try and find a different way to do life?
And all the while, Papa kept reminding me that He was my Source…
Not all these things on the outside of me.
I kept ignoring until I could ignore no more…
I self-sabotaged and I continued to do so until I surrendered to my true path…
the longer I resisted, the longer it took.
And I look at you…
And I know you know what I mean…
there is a resonance inside of you as you read these words…
You learnt that the world was a hostile place and you have felt alone in it…
DESPITE your spirituality…
Spirit within has been kinda real but you do not depend on that wisdom for living-life-instructions…
It feels too woo…
It feels too impractical…
And it scares you to depend on something intangible so completely…
And so you have pushed yourself…
Worked your socks off…
Listened to all the step-by-steps…
Tried to implement them even when they have not felt suited to you but hey, if that guru said they will work then of course, they must…
And you did experience a level of success…
But it feels empty.
Maybe you have even gone as far as I did – you have self-sabotaged…
And so you have come crashing down again…
Or you are hanging on by your fingertips but the price you are paying for a life you do not even love, is getting too high…
You want to experience true freedom, fulfilment, abundance…
You want to wake up feeling happy and so amazed to KNOW that you are on purpose…
You have a vision inside of you that you keep casting out into the future – YOU WANT TO LIVE IT NOW…
Well, honey, all I can tell you is this…
YOUR SOURCE IS NOT WITHOUT, IT IS WITHIN
You do know it…
But you are avoiding it…
Maybe because of bad religious experiences – But this is not about religion…
Maybe because you are scared of what will be demanded of you – Honey, you are stronger than you think and who you become on this DELIBERATE LIFE journey is worth it…
Maybe it is because you have silenced your intuition for so long that now, it all feels silent inside – You can reawaken the voice within simply by choosing to listen in again and choosing to learn how…
Whatever it is, as we come to the end of this year – I suggest you begin to face the fact that this life you have created is not all you are capable of or even feel called to, and it is time to start deliberately designing your real life.
With the help of the deep wisdom within.
You have forgotten how powerful you can be when you really set your mind on a thing…
And your intuition – Source Within – KNOWS and REMEMBERS and can guide you into the perfect narrow path for you – A life based on your true design.
You long for this life – THE DELIBERATE LIFE.
Will you choose it?
MUCH AMAZING LOVE
PS – Come work with me in the Deliberate Success Immersion Incubator – RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/deliberatesuccess and let’s get you living life from within.
PPS – Not ready for that yet? Download a free copy of my book – PRAY. AFFIRM. RECEIVE – How to get clear, stay clear and take action to get what you want out of life – RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/bookgift
