Your life experience has taught you never to trust.
You do not fully trust anyone
You think it all depends on you
And you might pretend to believe you trust the Divine
But you don’t. (If you really did, you would be successful, fulfilled and happy but you are not)
Again you think it all depends on you
You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders
And the crazy thing is you don’t even trust yourself
You trust that you can just about keep this lack-drenched existence going and so you keep taking actions that will keep you in it because it feels kinda safe
But deep down, you are floundering, flapping around, looking for some sense of safety, security, certainty
You look calm on the surface but under the surface, you are quivering ALL TIME
And you have gotten so used to feeling this way, you do not even realise how anxious you are
You have learnt to manage your anxiety with entertainment, other people’s drama, noise and nonsense, the over-analysis in your mind of every single thing that happens, lots of religious/spiritual activity, food, drink, drugs, forever having one ailment or the other…
But under all that, is still this deep sense of panic
Scared that everything will unravel and you will not know what to do to put it back together
You want so much more but how can you go create it when you are permanently contending with this deep sense that nothing can be trusted, least of all, YOU.
And you are not self-aware enough to see that this is what you are doing to yourself
Or maybe, you are.
You are here, reading this
You KNOW something is not right
You KNOW there is a reason you keep holding back
But do you dare go face the inner craziness that keeps you trapped in a life you do not like or love?
Time is passing you by, my love…
Everyday, you get a little bit more scared
Every day, you try to pretend you do not notice that your life is getting smaller and smaller
More and more restricted as you try to control every detail, as you try to keep everyone ‘safe’ by trying to get them to do what you, in your superior wisdom, tell them to do
You throw your prayers to the Divine, asking for assistance but you do not trust the Divine to provide the assistance and even when your heart throbs with recognition of your next move, you do not trust the step being given and you hold back
It all seems so reasonable, so logical, so wise
But you KNOW it is fear
It is doubt
It is the inner panic controlling you, keeping you from handling it in case you discover that you really are incapable, weak and a fraud
TRUST IS THE WAY, my love
Trust is the way out of the prison you have created for yourself
You have to take the step out of the cell even though you are not sure where it will lead
And the CONFIDENCE Book will support you in rebuilding self-trust, trust in the Divine and trust that life does support you.
You would not be here still reading this, if the Divine was not nudging you
So, will you let fear or trust win?