I grew up thinking there must be something wrong with me…
Feeling out of place amongst family and friends
Feeling like I was not quite black enough
And then when I came to the UK, I was not quite white enough
I still consider myself African
Though my passport says I am british
I am married to a white male
With Mixed race children
And when I stop to think of it, I feel like I don’t really belong anywhere…
The thing is, I spent years trying to be something else…
to fit within the lines
To squash myself into the boxes that others designed for me
There was a way to be a daughter
A sister
A cousin
A friend
There was a way to be a christian
A wife
A mother
an Aunt
A sister-in-law
A niece
There were things I needed to understand about the way life was supposed to work…
Traditions to follow
Cultural rules to abide by
And I was always out of step with it all…
I spent lots of time feeling wrong…
And ashamed of myself for being so wrong…
Always wondering why I could not just be like everyone else…
And because I was Christian, there was also the added fear of hell – FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!
I still feel out of step with it all
But now, I don’t fight myself
I allow myself to be myself.
And now, there is peace
And there is joy.
The joy of loving, trusting and accepting myself
No one needs to like it
I don’t need to perform anymore
Or at least, I catch myself more quickly now when I fall into the craziness…
I can be as cheesy as I please
I can reel off cheesy statements on FB with no fear (I mention that one because I am sure some peeps think I am super-cheesy – maybe I care enough to tell you that I don’t care 😀 what you think! ha ha!)
I can take pictures with bunny ears on because I think it is great fun…
I can sing on my super-important livestreams because I know it will support those who allow themselves to sing with me
I can choose to home-educate my children, even though my Nigerian culture suggests that all my children should be sent to formal education institutions to get as many pieces of paper as possible to prove their worth…
I can give up being a pharmacist even though it is, oh so proper and a great ‘plan b’ to have…
I can ignore every single tradition that makes no sense to me
And I can choose to live instead from love.
And joy
And peace
No more forcing myself to fit or blend or anything
Honey, will you set yourself free?
Will you allow yourself the joy of being YOU?
Do you realise just how much more abundance awaits you when you allow yourself to vibrate with joy, instead of all this forcing yourself into a box?
And please do not be that person who tries to pretend you are not in a box – There is always someone who feels the need to tell me that they are free but I always end up thinking that if they were so free, they would not be trying to convince me of it…
Honey, you do not have to admit the truth to me…
But definitely admit the truth to yourself
How else will you upgrade your life experience?
Admit the lack of joy in your life so that you can start to handle it, ok?
Admit the lack of freedom as well.
Just exhale
And relax.
You have been holding yourself so tightly together for so long and you deserve so much more than that, ok?
So, take stock…
Start to notice the areas of your life where you feel you HAVE TO do certain things
HAVE TO be certain things
HAVE TO have certain things
Do they still feel good to you?
Maybe, like me, you thought that that career would fulfil you but now you realise it is killing your spirit…
Admit it so that you can allow yourself to start the process of changing it.
Or whatever area of your life
Relationships – Do they still feel good or is there one or more of them that you feel you HAVE TO put up with?
Money – Are you making what you feel you would like to or are you trapped in a situation because you think you HAVE TO stay there for safety?
Body – Do you look the way you would like to? Dress the way you would like to? or do you conform to the standards others have set for you?
Go on, take stock of your life.
IS IT YOURS?!
Awareness is always the first step so get aware and then you can start to do something about it.
Please remember.
- Your vision is your permission.
- You are capable of your calling.
- You are much more powerful than you realise.
- Yes you can get everything you want.
- You are loved. You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve the very best of everything.
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Much Amazing Love
