You want to be happy
You mostly think that it is frivolous to consider happiness a goal
And so you focus all your attention on these temporary crazinesses like clean dishes, laid beds, perfectly groomed car
You lay down your life for everyone
Get irritated that they do not respond with the gratitude that you think they should
You think it is all their fault
And you keep going.
You have no choice, you tell yourself
If you do not keep everything going then it will all fall apart
You do not realise it but you think everyone is weaker than you
And that it is your job and responsibility to protect them, to save them from themselves…
You ignore the blocked places in you
You have found a form of equilibrium that means you do not dare upset the inner balance because who on earth knows what could come out of there…
But you do not see it that way…
You think you are solid
Responsible
Fine.
Ain’t nothing to see here
All is well with you
It is the rest of the world that is wrong
You will just keep chugging along until they see that you were right all along
And life continues to tick on by
You, the martyr
Everyone else, the weak ones
And then the arguments start
The ones in your household are fed up of your condescending ways
The balance begins to be shaken
They are no longer willing to put up with it
You could lose all you thought you had in the bag
And you begin to see that maybe, it was silly to focus so much attention on trivialities like the cleanliness of the house when the heart of the people in the home was getting broken by your insistent nagging
Maybe happiness is not so frivolous, after all
Maybe it is the most important thing
Because now you have your nice pristine home
But no one is there anymore
They all left as soon as they could and it feels like you have to force them to come back
If you are particularly stubborn, you still tell yourself that it was all their fault, though
That they just did not get it, they were weak and unable to carry their weight
If you are wise, you will look within
Beyond where you have ever dared to go before
And you will heal
And allow yourself to be truly happy
And in so doing, allow others too.
Come and start the process of mastering your inner world
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