I entered the room with all the other people at my weekly weigh-in.

I stepped on the scales and I had released some weight, as per my decision to do so…

For one brief second, I felt glee, joy, happiness, a deep sense of pride

And then… ‘the voice’ came…

That little voice that I now realise, had dogged me for a VERY LONG TIME – that voice whispered “Yeah but can you do it again?”

And immediately, I was in the future trying to figure out what I had done and how I would maintain this and if this would just be a blip and whether I would regain all the weight again and I felt AFRAID…

glee, joy, happiness, pride… GONE

I noticed I was being celebrated and asked how I felt…

And out of my mouth came “I am just scared about next week now”

I noticed that not only was I saying that to manage my own expectations but also because I wanted ‘them’ to feel comfortable with this success that I had experienced.  I did not want anyone to feel bad about their own lack of success so I muted mine so I would be ‘relatable’ and considered ‘safe’.  I did not want to be ‘THAT GIRL’ who was too big for her britches.

Normally, this would have gone under the radar but this time, I woke up the next morning to the voice of the Divine in my heart bringing the scene to my attention and gently asking me why it was so bad to be happy…

Oh…

I noticed how I did it to my children too

They had good news about something and somewhere deep inside, I wanted to protect them from disappointment later so I immediately went into the future and saw how their current happiness could be taken from them so I became the one that protected them from future unhappiness by saying something to bring them back down to earth NOW… “that’s so good but… remember you have to blah, blah, blah” and then the joy would leave their eyes just a little…

And I saw how that had been done to me by my parents…

And probably their parents had done it to them…

I saw how uncomfortable we all mostly were with too much happiness and how we felt almost compelled to take it all down a notch or 2 or 20…

And I saw how that affected our ability to create an enjoyable life when mostly, we were so numb and trying very hard to not be TOO joyous.

But joy, happiness, glee – these are very magnetic energies

These are energies that create more of the same so to live in this permanently muted state because we think it makes us safe, is a recipe for a VERY sad life.

I forgave myself and chose to BE HAPPY when I was happy, to celebrate myself when I had wins, to stop trying to prepare myself for future disappointment, to be in THIS moment.

And I also chose to stop listening to anyone who tried to do that to me…

AND to stop doing it to my daughters.

I chose to stay in the discomfort of happiness UNTIL IT BECAME COMFORTABLE again

I hope you choose that too.

And if you are that ambitious spiritual person who wants to thrive, prosper and make at least 6 figures while living in your purpose, get a copy of SPIRIT SPEAKS – 15 Divine Downloads to find your purpose and a step-by-step plan to earn with ease while living in it. Comment / Message me the word SS to be sent the link.

 

 

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