I am hurting at the time of this writing…
So some of my pain may come through…
And the post may not even make complete sense…
I am in the process of letting go of certain people in my life
And it hurts deeply to feel misunderstood and cast away by those you love and who you thought knew you…
And as I sit here and ask the Divine to help me release it all AGAIN…
I am reminded that love, real love does not hurt…
And as much as it pains me to face myself AGAIN…
I realise that the pain I feel is my own fault and responsibility…
The pain is a result of my expectations…
My expectations of how love should look…
My expectations of how people SHOULD treat me if they love me…
And my attachment to being chosen in the way I want to be chosen…
And again, I am reminded to let go
To love without expectation
To love without attachment to how they perceive me or treat me or anything…
Not easy to do…
I am human after all…
And we, as humans, are taught that love looks a certain way…
It is supposed to look like attachments…
And expectations…
And hoop jumping…
And the movies teach us that true love hurts…
That ‘true love’ is needy
And that if someone loves you, they will prove it by doing this, that and the other for you…
Our families (if they are somewhat dysfunctional) also teach us that love means doing whatever to stay within the tribe, even if it means denying your very nature…
Which is really just a form of control…
The church teaches us to jump through hoops for the Divine because He loved us so much that now we have to not hurt His heart and we have to please Him…
As if His ego is as tender as mine…
And as I sit in silence with Him this morning, I realise again that what we humans call ‘love’ is anything but…
LOVE DOES NOT HURT!
The fact that I am hurting simply means that I did not truly love the people who supposedly did this or that to me…
I was attached to them…
I had expectations of them
And now I hurt because those expectations/attachments which I took to mean ‘love’, were not met and so my heart hurts…
But really, the hurt shows me where I need to uproot expectation…
So that I can truly love
And that is a hard pill, even for me, to swallow…
But I am reminded that…
Real love is freedom
Freedom for the people I love, to be, do whatever they want without it affecting my love for them…
Freedom for the people I love, to walk away or to stick around without it affecting my love for them…
Freedom for me to be whoever I am, without having to be what I think they want from me, without needing anyone’s approval…
Sometimes, love is way beyond me.
And so then I get to heal my heart…
I get to fall on the Divine (my one and only constant) and dare to see what needs to be uprooted so that I can be free…
Unfortunately, I only ever see this when I am hurting so I suppose the hurt can be considered a gift…
Painful though it is
It is also an invitation to more freedom
And I choose it.
I wonder if I am even explaining this well…
But I suppose this post may just be part of my healing as I process this stuff…
And maybe you will glean something from this…
But I have no expectations of you ?
I simply face my pain and heal as I write.
And before you go, I have something for you…
The ever-increasing programs within the library will support you in leaving behind the pain and limiting beliefs of the past so that you can truly rise victorious in your TRUE DESIGN life.
Much Amazing Love
