There are days when it would seem easier to live a normal life, to be normal, to be just the same as everyone else with the same silly little issues, doing the same things over and over again which they say they do not want to do and yet, they keep doing it.
I suppose I could become that person.
Except I did that already and NOPE, I am not going back there.
Back to the waking up thinking ‘Is this all there is?’
‘Will my dreams ever happen?’
Nope, never again – I have been exposed to the light and I cannot go back into the darkness.
I mean I was successful by most people’s standards and even had the debt to go with it and still there was a hunger inside that nothing could fill. A hunger to be the real ‘ME’, to do the things I felt really called to do, to show people that they could be, do, have anything that they wanted if they just got off their bums and did the work, to show people that we all have a part to play on the planet, to show people that they are powerful.
Of course, in those days, I still had a lot of growing to do…
I still had to release myself from some really weird spiritual thinking that tied me up in knots and some relationships that did exactly the same but hey, I was on a journey even then.
And now, when I look at my life, I feel pretty darned blessed because I have created everything I set out to create – The freedom, the time with my girls, making money doing something I want to do, travelling (been to Bali, America and Bahamas recently) and there is even talk of the darling hubby coming to work with me – something I have dreamt of for YEARS and now we are designing a life where that is possible – I mean how cool is that!
Scary too… but pretty darned amazing!
And yet, I KNOW there is more.
There is so much more to me.
Will I ever get THERE?
Or will I always be longing for THERE?
Where is THERE, anyway?
And even as I type this, I know the current thinking is to be grateful in this moment and stop reaching out for the THERE and the MORE and all that stuff and yet, I am grateful for the NOW – I AM SO GRATEFUL for the NOW, I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the now because just a few years ago, this, where I am, right now, seemed impossible.
It seemed like a dream that I would never reach.
I thought I would be trapped forever in a job I did not like…
Or I would have to start a business I did not care for but hey, it made money so I gotta do what I gotta do… (I even did that for a little while until I self-sabotaged!)
I thought I would send my kids off all day to spend time with people I was not sure I liked…
I thought I would never write a book, now I have written 12.
I thought I would never get a song produced, now I have an album.
All of that stuff seemed airy-fairy and I kept waiting for someone else to give me a platform, for someone else to affirm me, to give me permission because to step up and do my own thing would be considered ‘proud’, ‘selfish’ and so on and so forth and oh yeah… God just might hate me for it!
There was always a reason – a great sounding reason not to give things a go and they were all silly.
They were all fear driven reasons that I made real because I believed in them.
The most important relationship in my life is the one I have with the Divine and for a long time there, I really did think He must hate me. He had created me with all these big ideas, dreams and then made me a woman!!! Yep, that was the first issue I had to come to terms with – No, it was not a bad thing to be female, it was just some crazy people’s ideas that women should in some way be put down.
And then, I had to break free of church in order to really see that God just loved me, warts and all. I did not have to do a performing monkey dance for Him – I had created this unreality and made it my reality. When He talked of giving me free will, He literally did mean it. There was nothing to prove. I could be rich if I wanted, I could be poor if I wanted.
And yes, I want to be RICH, very, very RICH and NO, that does not mean that my relationship with Him has to suffer. Yes, I can qualify it with all the things I want to do with the wealth like I have on my heart to support 2000 Compassion Children but guess what, even if I did not have that…
It is still OKAY!
Yes, I know – that is a mindblowing concept to some spiritual peeps and maybe YOU even think I am completely taken in by the dark side – Your choice – you get to believe whatever you want and you also get to live it out.
And that is the thing…
You get to live out whatever you believe is possible for you. Only you get to live it. No one else so I suppose the question for you is “Do you like what you are living?” because it is all a result of what you have chosen to believe is truth. And if you do not like it, you can change it any minute you choose.
But as I say, that is your choice.
I am on my journey to THERE, wherever that is. I may never ever get there but this is one thing I am sure of, I will have LIVED!
I will have lived an incredibly wealthy life. I will experience all that God’s world has to offer and as a result of those experiences, I will decide what feels good and what feels bad. I choose in every moment who I want to be and what I want to create and that is absolutely cool because I am not put here just to struggle and then die. No, this is a journey, an ever-expanding journey.
Why would you want to keep yourself trapped in a life you do not like?
I know all the reasons…
I have used them before…
And they are not the truth.
They are just A truth and because you believe it, you have made it YOUR truth.
This is my truth – I live in an abundant universe. There is so much we do not even know about it yet. We are so incredibly tiny in the grand scope of things that in some ways, what we do does not matter and yet, we have the privilege of actually mattering and most people choose to live as though they and everything around them is unimportant.
What narrow mindedness!
I wash my hands of that.
I am a creator. You are a creator.
We could create whatever we put our mind too.
If we all wanted to end world hunger, we could… in an instant.
Instead, we use our power to stay trapped, pretending to have no power whatsoever, blaming and complaining about this person, that government, that family member etc etc.
People keep looking for some easy button instead of facing fears, demolishing wrong beliefs and taking action each and every day to create whatever they want.
Oh… How frustrating to watch.
How frustrating to regularly be that person myself. To see where I have held myself back, to see where I still do it. Aaargh!
Yes, I long for THERE and I am grateful for HERE.
Confusing, I know but if you know what I mean then you just might be the person I am talking to.
And if you are, then it is time to fight for, to create the life, the business you want because, honey, YOU CAN!
So tell me, are you ready to actually do it?
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If you got this far in my rambling post then in answer to the original question I was asking myself this wonderful morning ‘Will you keep going, even when the going gets tough?’
The answer is YES. There is no other way.