I remember the morning I won the Porsche Boxster for being property Business Woman of the year…
It was about 5am…
I was not in the habit yet of waking at 4am so I was still asleep
And a phone call came through telling me my 2 year old daughter was struggling to breathe and they could not get it under control…
Simon (More affectionately known as Tloml or The Love Of My Life) and I were away from home in London at a conference which would end with the winner being announced…
I had worked my socks off this last 12 months
Transitioning from being just a professional pharmacist to being a property investor, business owner AND pharmacist as well as home-educating mother…
I had lost 2 stone or about 10kg in this quest as I ran around with pushchairs, 3 children from property to property, agent to agent…
AND faced down all my inner demons…
The fear of failure had been coming against me so strong that year…
I felt I had failed already by going bankrupt and sinking into depression for years…
Something that I had never thought I would allow myself to give into…
And somehow, I had managed to convince myself that I could work with this coach in his year-long, EXPENSIVE mastermind and that I would learn everything I could from great mentors and at the same time, implement, implement, implement…
My limiting stories were rising against me
“Who do you think you are, Rosemary?”
“You who let yourself down so badly not that long ago and here you are, pretending to be a business woman”
“Even your own family laughed at you when you mentioned that you wanted to build a business”
“They don’t think you can, why the heck do YOU think you can?”
“Look around at all these other capable, street wise people and you think you measure up to THEM?! Stay in your own lane, you silly girl!!!”
“You have never been able to negotiate a fucking thing and now you think you are going to be a business woman. Give yourself a break, you silly mare”
“No, you cannot bring your children up yourself, they will have to go to childcare then school as you keep working your socks off trying to fit them in after work… Why do you think you are above doing what all the other mothers have to do?”
“And that dream you have of showing your princesses that they do not have to choose between career and children?!!! Seriously!!! Give it up now. Be real with them from the start, they are going to have to settle if they want to get on in life. Stop feeding them and yourself dreams”
And so on
And so on
Every day, I faced into those harsh voices and much more in my head…
Stories, stories, STORIES of what I could NOT do
There were lots of tears…
Lots of fears…
One of the hardest things I have ever done…
But I just kept chugging along…
And I started to have wins…
Replaced the cost of the mastermind during the year…
And finally, on the night before the Porsche win, I was at a party and I knew everyone assumed this other awesome dude was going to win.
I even got caught up in a conversation where the person did not realise I was another runner-up and they were like, he was the only one that could win this.
And he was worthy so I kinda believed that it was very possible that he would win
And so, there I am at 5 am, being woken up by the lady who was graciously taking care of the princesses for me and she was telling me that my baby was having an asthma attack and that she did not know what to do.
I immediately saw an ‘out’
I could use this as a reason to go home
I made plans to go home and half-heartedly thought I would bring her back with me in time for the contest presentation…
But it was Sunday and the trains etc were not running all that frequently so going home would mean I would miss the contest and definitely lose the opportunity to win the Porsche.
And in that moment, I realised I could allow the stories to win
And I would always have that story of being a great mum who returned home to look after her baby who was in dire straits…
I could always say that and people would pity me and assure me that I did the right thing
But then something inside me said ‘NO, THAT IS NOT WHO I AM. WIN OR LOSE, I STAY HERE. BUT I FULLY INTEND TO WIN’
And so I stayed.
Thankfully, in that moment of decision, I remember that I was blessed with a doctor for a brother.
I called him and asked him to go keep an eye on her.
He graciously said yes
Even now, writing this, I remember that moment
it brings tears to my eyes.
Not because of the awesome Porsche Boxster, but because of who I chose to be in that moment.
All the stories of the past had beaten me down for so long…
I had begun to truly doubt myself
I had really begun to think I could not do anything all that well
that I always had to try harder than everyone
That nothing good ever happened to me
that I was unworthy
But in acting all that year and then at this final moment, despite writing off 2 cars the month before…
I remembered who I was
Now, realise this, I have always loved and been loved by the Divine
But He would never have forced my hand
Whatever I chose to do in that moment would have been fine by Him – His love for me is not determined by any of that external stuff
I say this to you spiritual people, waiting for your hand to be forced or for another sign or for whatever
If you do not push every door open, you do not get to win but you DO get to be loved always.
And so, now I ask you what stories you are buying into?
Are you ready to DROP THEM like hot potatoes and choose instead to only believe things that elevate you?
To begin with, you will have to walk forward despite the stories trying to take you over but then as you get wins under your belt, the stories lose their grip on you. The self doubt and fear may still be there but it is no longer as powerful when you refuse to let it control you, even ONCE.
You have been waiting and waiting for your day to come to start doing what you dream of doing
To start living to your full potential
You may even have been blaming the Divine with not giving you another word of permission to move
WAKE THE HECK UP
This is your moment
Will you choose to rise up, despite the stories?
Will you choose to transition into purpose-driven prosperity in every area of life?
If you say yes and life based on your true design is something you are doing or considering doing…
then THE ABUNDANCE LIBRARY is for you
Find out more at rosemarynonnyknight.com/abundancelibrary
Much Amazing Love