I did not notice it happening but somehow, I was a grown up, bored pharmacist.
I had bought into so many rules
SO. MANY. RULES to be accepted to belong, to be one of an ‘us’ and I was just plain old bored.
There was some money coming in but never enough.
NEVER ENOUGH to do all I wanted to do.
So I got deeper and deeper into debt.
To keep up the facade of success.
To keep up the facade of being blessed to be a blessing.
To make sure that I was in good terms with God.
To make sure I would end up in heaven, even though I had my doubts about this deity that was supposed to be love but could also punish me for all eternity, if I made one mistake too many.
I explained it all away though.
I had all the right words.
I looked the part.
But inside, I was bored.
Inside, I was fed up of pretending to be something I was not.
The ones that did accept me as I was, thought I needed to continually be broken
The ones that accepted me as I pretended to be, thought I needed to jump through other hoops.
The family also wanted me to be something I was not and called me selfish, lazy and ‘in my own bubble’ when I just could not play along
I knew I was meant for more than this.
I am pretty grateful for bankruptcy, depression and 3 amazing princesses because it made me stop and look at the life I had created and CHOOSE AGAIN!
I still went down some other crazy path of real estate / property because I just felt uncertain and unsure about my ability to do what I really wanted to do. In fact, at that point, I would probably not have completely admitted to what I wanted to do. It was too far out, too outside of the realms of my experience. It seemed crazy to even imagine that the more I dreamt of, could be mine.
And so I tried some more to be what I was not, until I created the fortune of working with a coach who was not just going to go along with whatever nonsensical lie I was telling myself. He asked what I wanted.
I answered and committed FINALLY and life is very different now.
I ask you – WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I know you KNOW you are meant for more than what you are currently doing.
Are you willing to truly admit to yourself that there is so much more to you than you are showing?
Are you willing to jump into life and experience all of it?
Are you willing to admit to your sensuality, your power, your deep desire for freedom, your longings to experience ALL of life?
Are you willing to admit to your desire for more financial abundance and are you willing to actually do something about it?
Are you willing to admit to your longing for purposeful work and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
Are you willing to ask for what you want and keep asking whoever and wherever UNTIL YOU GET IT?
You think you look civilized and responsible to stay stuck with a smiley facade.
BE DONE WITH THAT!
Awaken, my love.
There is so much more available to you.
Come shake off the layers that weight you down and keep you bored.
Come be all you are born to be.
The time is now to break free.
The time is now to start living again
The time is now to be ALL YOU ARE MEANT TO BE plus more than you can even imagine