It reminded me of how I had felt for the longest possible time, the feeling that I was trying so hard to fit into a body that was not mine – OK, so no I am not about to change sex or anything but I have proceeded over the last few years to strip off layer upon layer of fakeness that I had employed.
Fakeness I had taken on to appease the people in my life who I thought I needed to please in order to get their love.
I was never all that good at it, anyway!
No matter how hard I tried, I did not get things right and people seemed to want more and more and more from me and I could not fulfil it.
There was just too much internal conflict…
Between who I really was and who they wanted me to be.
Finally, I got fed up of it!
Finally, I realised that all the love I needed was available without jumping through all the hoops they placed in my path!
Finally, I decided to just be me and that has been a weird journey of hitting rockbottom and being too ashamed to tell anyone when I got there…
A journey of discovering that who I am, is awesome and I do not need to hide it for anyone!
A journey of learning to do what I have always wanted to do, even when it went against the expectations of friends, family and the ‘norms’ all around me.
You know what?
I really did not change!
I just remembered who I was!
I found MYSELF!
And I love the person I am!
Have you ever felt that way?