Do you like being around someone who complains? No, I don’t either. It is tiresome and what of those people who do it in a passive aggressive manner – they don’t quite tell you what they want, they somehow expect you to read their minds!!! Even worse, right?
But tell me honey, do you hear it when it comes from your own mouth?
Do you hear the whiney tone that you put on when you do not get what you want when you want it and as soon as you want it?
The thing about complaining is that it is impotent. It carries no power at all because if you are going to complain about something instead of do something about it then you possibly will have to keep the thing you claim not to want.
And that is the wonder…
Why do you keep things you say you do not want?
Why do you keep complaining about an area of your life but never actually do anything to change it? Do you ever wonder about that?
Usually, you put it down to the fact that you are not disciplined enough to change it. You put yourself down instead of really taking a look to see what the issue is. I emphasize this because everything you do, you do for a reason. You are a goal-seeking animal even when you are blindly going about your business, not thinking, just whining.
However, you can become a whole lot more powerful if you take the time to think through why you do what you do.
So, now before you keep reading, whip out your journal or a piece of paper and write down your more regular complaints. What are they about? Yes, stop reading and write them down.
OK, have you got them?
If you are struggling to come up with them, then ask someone who knows you well what you regularly gripe about. I am sure they will tell you :-D!
OK, now that you have your list, look at them again and be honest with yourself.
How many of these things could you have dealt with if you were really motivated to do so?
I think you will find most of them are change-able and yet, and this is the important point, you have not… Why?
Ask yourself why you have not done anything about it?
For some reason, you see more positives in carrying on with something that causes you to complain rather than figure out how to change it. Why?
As human beings, we have some hidden depths that most people do not take the time to look at and so they remain broke because they do not understand what is going on. Not you, though.
You are going to start paying great attention to the crazy things you do and you are going to start to understand what keeps you in place. OK, back to the work at hand. Here’s an example…
So, you complain about your team members – They are not pulling their weight?
And yet, you keep going out of your way to help them out and to build them up which then tends to get in the way of you building your own business and so you complain about them. Why do you keep doing that?
Could it be that though you complain, it feels easier to spend your time sorting them out instead of facing your own business and generating new leads, doing new presentations/interviews and getting new members into the team? That is one possible reason why and usually the first one most people will go to.
But let’s go deeper than that…
Maybe when you were younger, you were told by a teacher you admired, that caring meant putting others first in everything you did and never going faster than the slowest person. She then mentioned just how caring you were.
And so now you are still playing to that same audio reel in your head and trying to be caring. You care for people who choose not to care for themselves because it seems to be the ‘right’ thing to do. However, when you look at it this way, maybe you start to see that there is no one RIGHT way to care for people – Each situation demands a different response and some outdated audio reel is not appropriate for a thirty something year old to still be living by.
However, you would only see this if you look.
I could extend this to many a complaint on your lips because usually the reason you complain is either because you are still playing life to an old audio reel which keeps playing out in your head (something your parents said or something your parents wanted from you and now you keep trying to give it to them even though they are no longer watching you or something some other person said)
or you keep thinking that some idealistic way is the ONLY way and so even though what you are currently doing is absolutely fine, you are comparing it to a fantasy of what it SHOULD be like. For instance, you think that great parenting looks like you spending every second of every moment with your kids and you feel resentful and complain about having no alone time. You forget that parenting for you will never conform to someone else’s ideals – You have to create your own! The vision in your head is a fantasy! But only by looking closely at it, do you see where you are causing yourself frustration.
OK, so to end and to start using your complaints to create wealth, here is an exercise for you…
1. Write out everything that frustrates you, whether you think it is justified or not. If you are in the habit of disregarding parts of yourself, stop it! It sticks around in the background anyway so acknowledge all your complaints.
2. Take two of the burning ones and write out three or more alternative ways of dealing with the issue. Again, do not qualify the options at this stage.
3. Select or reject the options – You may find that by thinking through the alternatives, you actually prefer life as it is now in which case, WAHEY, you now actually KNOW that your current situation is pretty cool and taking in the direction of your goals.
If you do choose an option, write down your next steps to making it happen as soon as possible and start taking them.
If you want your life to be one of wealth and fulfilment, you cannot afford to keep living with the underlying complaints that hold you back and frustrate you. You have to deliberately look them in the eye and change it. Will you?
On the 8th September, I will be starting a ‘Wake Up To Your Purpose’ 7 Day Program where you will spend some time looking at what your purpose is and how living to your purpose causes you to create wealth easier, faster and with a whole lot more impact and fulfilment. If you have forgotten or never quite figured out your purpose, mission, calling then join in now on early bird pricing of $8 – Sign up here – RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/lifepurpose
And if you want to grow your business, grab the business growth toolkit here for free – RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/toolkit