Man, there are certain relationships in my life where I always seem to be caught up in one drama or the next…

Either I am trying to prove myself

Or I am trying to defend myself

Or I am trying to earn love

Or I am being a martyr and wishing that SOMEONE would understand me

Or I am being a victim where it is I against the world

And yet I have, in the past, kept throwing myself into the fray

Telling myself that I must talk it out

Argue it out

Reason it out

Telling myself I have to make the relationship work

It is the ‘christian’ thing to do

The ‘loving’ thing to do

But all of that always ends up the same…

Hurt people hurting each other

Everyone means well mostly

But the result is the same

And I suppose I got tired of it…

Tired of the same old, same old emotional rollercoaster when I KNOW my relationships could be more, much, much MORE!

I am deliberate designer of my life, am I not?!

My relationships can be loving and supportive and empowering

And I want that fairytale life where all my relationships are AMAZING

Yep, I do live in my own little bubble where I truly believe this is possible

And I began to realise, with Papa’s help, that the only reason I kept throwing myself into the fray over and over again was because deep inside, I did not feel I could have the relationships of my dreams and so I thought I had to fix the ones I have, any old how…

But I just kept ripping off the scabs that had not healed from the last time

And so the wounds kept getting deeper

I was either avoiding the peeps and hoping the pain would just go away by the next time I saw someone – IT DID NOT

Or I was feeling martyred and victimised and trying to manipulate everyone into feeling sorry for me and hoping that that would feel enough like love to settle for it. – THAT DID NOT WORK EITHER!

Well, I choose again to be done with it…

I choose again to do the very active work of inner healing…

And I get off the emotional rollercoaster

And I stop throwing myself into the fray before I am sufficiently steeped in Papa’s love to be able to navigate all the stuff without giving in to settling for a weird peace that is only skin deep.

I deliberately choose to step away

And I deliberately choose to go within

I commit to doing the work until it works

I love myself and the life I choose to create enough to do this work

And yes, I am POWERFUL ENOUGH To complete the work of healing

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Much Amazing Love

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