Once upon a time, I thought the only 2 answers to every conflict was to fight back or to run for the hills…
Yell, scream, argue to the death…
Or run in the other direction, put on my pious hat but be emotionally unavailable, shut down with a smile on my face…
It all felt so painful
And it would consume my every thought
Which meant, of course, that I could not be creative
Or not as creative as I wanted to be
I felt stagnant
And I did not like it because I am someone with big ideas of the life I choose to deliberately design…
I certainly did not want my big ideas to become subject to these relational incidences that seemed to knock me off course
So now, I come back to LOVE
And I do mean, LOVE with capital letters – My Papa, my constant supporter and lover
I picture myself on His lap
I feel His love flowing through me
I begin again to see that I do not NEED anyone else to love me
I do not NEED to be so attached to everything going my way
I do not NEED to have so many expectations from any one person
All this helps me to think more clearly
To see my emotions more clearly without completely engaging in them
That is step one
STEP TWO is a little more tricky
Seeing unhelpful emotions and thoughts is one thing
Choosing to let them go, is another thing
I want my day in court!
I want someone to say sorry!
I may even want someone to feel sorry for all I have been through!
And so, yes, I may see that I do not need all of this…
I still want it though!
And that takes some working out
And little by little I do the work of changing my mind because at the root of every unhelpful emotion is a thought that needs adjusting
Little by little, I release the tension
Little by little, I allow my flow to return
Until one day, after persistent inner work, I realise I am no longer trapped in the same destructive thought patterns
LOVE has won
Love always wins, if I am willing
And I am.
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Much Amazing Love