I was considered the selfish one in my family
Probably still am thought of that way…
I used to care a lot about that
Though no one really knew it
They just thought I did not care…
However, there was an urge inside of me to respond to the yearnings in MY HEART and not to the expectations in theirs
But it came at a cost
Always feeling guilty
Always feeling rebellious
Always feeling like I was wrong, wrong, wrong
And then with some people, like my brothers, I gave my heart and soul and my money because I wanted different for them
I wanted to shield them a little from the expectations of our family
I treated and thought of them, more like my children than my siblings
And so I was torn between this guilt, this desire to be all things to my brothers and this deep down desire to be ALL OF ME!
And then add a husband and religion to the mix
It was a very confusing place in my head
Was I allowed to say ‘no’ to that?
Was I being ‘selfish’?
What did they want from me? What game are they playing with me now?
Why did I have to do that? Am I really a bad christian if I did not do that?
Will God punish me?
Will I lose my family?
Do I care?!
And so the questions and confusions went on, in my head…
Though on the outside, I just seemed to make decisions so easily which added to the impression that I was selfish and self-absorbed…
But really inside, I always felt conflicted
I always felt like a rebel
So much of my energy spent trying to appease them and at the same time, not lose myself
Because something inside of me knew that I had to be independent, I had to find myself, I JUST HAD TO
So every so often, I made these big decisions that made my family rise up against me
And finally, finally, FINALLY, I realised that there was nothing to feel guilty about
There was nothing to rebel against
There was absolutely nothing wrong with putting me first
I know I jump straight to the end because to go into all the various situations, coaches, masterminds, books that led me to a place of increasing freedom from the negative soul ties that kept me bound up for so long, would take aeons to write…
I just need you to understand this…
THERE IS NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT!
You must put yourself first if you are to be happy
And yes, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND FEEL GOOD, regardless of what anyone else around you is doing…
Regardless of what THEY think you SHOULD BE doing
You can break free of the man-made religious nonsense
The Divine does not need anything from you, it was always people making the rules up…
You can break free of the family nonsense
Your family may make it seem like anathema and evil to go against the traditions of your specific family…
Mostly, they want to control you
They don’t mean it that way – They do love you so I ain’t saying every member of your family is evil or something. Their intention is probably to protect you but they do it by stifling your rougher edges which kills you off, if you let it happen.
If you desire to be free, fulfilled, abundant and LOVE on this planet, then you are going to have to shore up your resources, stop spreading yourself so thin, either in submission to the demands of others or in rebellion to the demands of others.
There is nothing to rebel or submit to
Stop fighting an unnecessary battle and instead, focus on what you desire
YES, BE SELFISH!
Pour all your energy into what you desire
You will find that, in time, you can then choose who you WANT TO support…
Rather than feeling like you HAVE TO!
First, take back yourself
LOVE ON YOURSELF
Stop making yourself wrong
See yourself for the powerful, loving person you are…
Set your own standards far away from the rules of religion or extended family
Trust that you are really truly enough, regardless of what anyone else thinks of you.
- Your vision is your permission.
- You are capable of your calling.
- You are much more powerful than you realise.
- Yes you can get everything you want.
- You are loved. You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve the very best of everything.
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Much Amazing Love