I resisted for so long…
Pre-children, I was scared a heckuva lot of the time…
Scared to play full-out for my big dreams…
Scared to go all in…
Scared that I would lose the little stability that I had gained after years of working my socks off to become a pharmacist…
Years of not having money…
Years of sometimes working a full-time job whilst also going to Full Time University…
So, you see, I worked pretty darned hard but not on the soul work that I wanted desperately to be about…
And the truth is, I would have laughed at you if you had mentioned something as cheesy as ‘soul work’ to me at that time…
I knew I wanted more, much more than what I had but I thought I could not have it…
Me, a second generation immigrant who had seen a heckuva lot of hardship back home in Nigeria…
Me, a christian who had managed to convince myself that God did not want me to prosper…
Me, a girl with a lot of extended family responsibilities that I did not like to say ‘no’ too…
I just needed to make money!
Who cared whether I liked the work or not?!
Only people born and bred in the UK/US with no responsibilities got to believe such fairy tales!
I was blessed that I had that precious british passport and had been given the opportunity to get an education!
How dare I think I could have more?!
I could maybe get to be a pharmacist and I could then maybe live happily ever after doing work I did not enjoy but I could learn to like it, right?
And in the practical world, you did not get to do work you loved…
You did that on the side, right?!
In the evenings and weekends, maybe, if you could fit it in…
So yes, I worked hard…
Pretty darned hard to win over my circumstances…
And I could tell you more about the demons I fought inside of me…
The fear…
The feeling that I was second class simply because I was female…
The need to prove myself to everyone who told me I was lazy and spoilt…
The guilt and shame and fear of punishment I operated under, for far too long…
But you know already…
Your story may be different from mine but you have a story…
A story of loss, fear, shame and all of that stuff…
And it taught you to resist the real work you are called to do…
You resist and resist and resist, just like I did…
thinking it is all too impractical and yet, you are not happy!
And like I used to, you would even say that happiness is shallow – Who cares about happiness?
You just need to do what is in front of you to do?
“Be practical! and responsible!” You tell yourself and so you fight yourself, day in, day out and you wonder why you feel so exhausted all the freaking time.
And so people like me come along and try to get you to WAKE UP! To look to see what you are doing to yourself…
And you think I am selling you a pipe dream…
Convinced as you are, that you simply have to get by…
Doing work you are okay with, but YOU KNOW that this is not what you are called to do…
But hey, You worked too damn hard to get here!!! and you are not giving it up!
So what, that you climbed the wrong ladder?!
So what, that inside of you feels so dissatisfied and empty and you wonder if this is it.
So what, that you KNOW you are called to impact people and communities and maybe even, nations with the power of the message within you !
SO WHAT?!
You are just supposed to get by, right?!
You need to keep up appearances, right?! Be responsible and all that jazz!
It took bankruptcy and depression AND SOME MORE delusional business building to break me loose of that nonsense…
To finally admit to myself that I was resisting the work I was actually called to do…
To finally admit that I was just surrendering to fear…
So scared of being in lack EVER AGAIN – I was willing to kill my dreams in order to be secure…
So scared of being unloved – I refused to see that conditional love WAS NOT LOVE! I was already alone and I refused to face it! I wanted to hold on to the illusion that I could somehow buy love by dying to my dreams and continuing to live within the very restrictive box I had been placed in.
So scared to going to hell – I never questioned any of the nonsense I believed about God, money, sex, ‘selfishness’…
And all of that caused me to resist the real work I was here to do…
All of that caused me to play small…
to stay protected, I thought…
To hide my light!
And it was all a fucking waste of time!
Yes, I do believe everything teaches you something. Thankfully, nothing is wasted!
But you cannot get the time back, honey!
YOU CANNOT GET THE TIME BACK!
So every freaking day you waste, pretending that this life that you are, deep down, unhappy with, is all you can get…
EVERY FUCKING DAY that you pretend that you do not have a VISION inside of you…
A vision bigger than what you are currently living out, is a day that will never be returned to you.
NEVER, EVER!
You are resisting the real work you are here to do…
You are selling your birthright for temporary security…
You are fighting with yourself and honey, a house set against itself will finally die…
And you will go the way of the ‘norms’ around you…
Telling stories of all your past triumphs…
Telling stories of all the things you dream of, for ONE DAY!
But never ever really putting yourself out there…
And deep down, knowing you are born for more but you are too scared to go full pelt after it…
And so you drown it out with drink, food, entertainment…
And you forget WHO YOU REALLY ARE…
A champion…
Warrior…
Leader…
Born to dominate your space…
Born to impact and influence people for good…
Born to make a dent on this planet…
Honey, is it not time you stopped resisting the work?
Stopped fighting yourself.
Stopped giving your energy to everything but the real call on your life???
Stopped trying so hard to fit within the lines that others have defined for you?!
And definitely stopped allowing your past to define what you think you can do and define your own future!
TAKE THE LIMITS OFF!
QUESTION EVERYTHING!
AND CHANGE YOUR WORLD
And then get to changing THE world because finally, YOU come alive!
Fight for, deliberately design the life you are born to live…
Because you really do want to!
Please remember.
- Your vision is your permission.
- You are capable of your calling.
- You are much more powerful than you realise.
- Yes you can get everything you want.
- You are loved. You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve the very best of everything.
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Much Amazing Love
If you’re discontent, then it won’t matter how much money you have because your heart isn’t in the right place. You’re chasing the wrong things. When you’re content, then it doesn’t matter how much money you have because your heart is in the RIGHT place and you’re enjoying the life you have
I am proudly discontent, in that I am ever seeking to be more of an expression of the Divine as I live to my true design. There is peace in refusing to settle into a false form of contentment which just means that most people have settled for a ‘less than’ existence that they tell themselves is spiritual.
I don’t buy into that. I choose both money and meaning.