When last did you really check in on that?

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Do you really, truly like you?

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Do you accept yourself?

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Or do you think you have to perform for approval?

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The thing is that most adults think that this is the normal way to do life.  Be what everyone else wants you to be and then things will be fine and in some ways, that kinda works, if you are content to dampen your natural joy down to bleurgh and just get on with being an ‘adult’.

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I tried that.

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It did not take.

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I could have forced it to take.

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I could have stayed the pharmacist.

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I could have stayed in Church.

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I could have kept asking family how high I need to jump for them to be happy with me and then keep beating myself up for not EVER wanting to try that hard.

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I could have kept walking on eggshells around everyone so they like me.

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I wanted desperately to be liked.

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I am human, I still do (thankfully, less desperation!).

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And it would certainly have made my life path easier, at times, if I had just stayed on the one others had picked out for me.

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But something inside of me, could not do it.

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I still cannot do it.

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Wherever I find myself conforming to make anyone happy, I have to break it.  I do not allow it to last.

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And my refusal to admit who I am and like myself for who I am and ALLOW MYSELF to be who I am, meant that, for a long time, I felt victimised by ‘them’ and I blamed them for my inner discontent and frustration.

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I had tried to manipulate them into liking me by being something I was not, except I could not do it and as I did not think they liked ME and I certainly did not like ME, I would get angry, lash out with my words, still trying to force them to like me, trying to blame them for my own inner pain – The pain of thinking that I was unlikeable even by me.

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But no one can give you what you refuse to give yourself.

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I had to choose to like me and accept me and love me.

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And I had to give others, freedom to think what they like about me, even the ones who I desperately wanted to love and admire me.  I had to let them off the hook of accepting/liking me.

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They did not have to.

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They had free will.

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And so did I.

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Papa loved me, I loved me – That had to be enough first in order for me to then have healthy relationships with anyone else. Otherwise, I was just trying to force them to like me and I can be pretty darned forceful if I think my survival depends on it.

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It never did but you know how powerful underlying beliefs can be, right?!

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And back to you…

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Do you like you, honey?

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Much Amazing Love

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