I have always been a dreamer, a big dreamer…
And I have also always been caught up in some sad story or the other until recently when I decided to simply let go of all that nonsense and allow myself to fly…
But then, there are things in my life that I do not want to fly away from…
People I love…
And People I fear get wounded in the pursuit of my purpose…
I wish I had realised who I was earlier in life before partner and children or maybe later when the children are older, I am not sure which would have been better…
But I also know that NOW is the best possible time for me and everything happens for a reason and nothing is wasted…
All the stuff I tell you guys and yes, I truly do live out this stuff but there are days when I wonder if I am making a mountain out of a molehill…
Maybe I am deluded to think that I can get that big picture vision…
Maybe I am deluded to think that I have something that will help at least 334k people…
I wonder if I should just lay it all down and try to live the life of a normal person…
Be the perfect wife and mother…
And by perfect, I mean, be better at cooking, cleaning, energetic for sex at all times, available to answer questions from every offspring, always chirpy and full of life and definitely NOT building an empire…
Except I tried…
And I could never make it work FOR. ME!
And maybe that is the problem…
I am simply too selfish…
Too selfish to pretend to be happy with something that I am not happy with…
Too selfish to see the vision for my life and to sacrifice it for those I love…
I know I have a choice…
Papa will not force me to follow my calling…
Project 334k is not compulsory…
And yet, I choose it!
Does that make me evil and selfish and all things bad?
To choose my vision AND a life?
Best Wife
Best Mum
Best Coach
Those are the only 3 things that really matter to me – It has taken me a long time to admit that…
And truly I know that the wife and mum bits suffer at times as I seek the big vision…
It has taken me an even longer time to admit that as well…
I look around me and I hardly see any powerful women still with partners and that is scary…
Do I have to drown me out in order to keep a man?
Is that really the only way?
Now, don’t get me wrong – I am not about to part from my husband or anything like that – But I do know it is not easy to live with me…
And that does sometimes scare me.
And of course, I am that person that chooses to only see what I have decided to create but every so often, in come the questions…
Am I crazy for pursuing this path?
Am I going to lose everything and everyone I love as I seek to live a purpose-driven life that is so different from the lives most settle for?
I love the work but is it worth it?
And All I can think as I write these words is, I TRIED the other way and it felt empty…
I felt like I was dead inside for a long time…
I felt dissatisfied…
And I don’t want to go back there…
Back to waking up and having to go to a career that paid the bills but did nothing else for me…
Back to jumping through other people’s hoops at church so that I could get small opportunities to do the things I feel called to…
I would rather die than go back there…
And so I count the cost and I stay on this path…
Jesus really did mean that you may have to give up all loved ones in order to follow him…
Those were not just words…
It is reality.
And so, now you hear some of my fears and some of my thoughts, do you still want the purpose-driven life?
Do you still want to be financially independent doing what you love?
There may be a high price to pay for you…
Will you pay it if you have to?
You might have read the story of Abraham going up to the mountain with his one and only son, ready and willing to sacrifice everything to remain obedient to the call on his life…
Would you do that?
Will you trust that your higher power will take care of you?
Now, no one is asking you to kill your child but you may lose the relationship with them if they choose not to understand what drives you…
Your partner may not be able to withstand the pressure with you – It is your vision after all, not theirs…
You may have to choose to wake up much earlier than every family member for the rest of your life and be tired when they are ready to party…
Your friends may ostracize you as they think you are just about the money and you do not have time for them…
You may want to ostracize some friends and some family members because their thinking is so toxic to you…
You will feel torn apart at times by this big vision!
There is a reason that most convince themselves that the normal life is enough for them…
And it is because the demand on you, is high…
And no, I don’t think everyone is like me…
Most will get to where I am right now, and be happy with it…
And that is okay…
You will be living life on your terms, serving people you want to serve, doing what you want to and feel called to do, financially independent enough to live a good life and make a dent on the planet…
There ain’t nothing wrong with here and I help lots of people get to here…
And then there are some that are called even higher and deeper still
Maybe you…
And then you have to face these questions…
You have to count the cost…
What will you choose?
Maybe I am dramatic…
Who knows…
I am just sharing my heart with you…
All I can say is this…
If you do choose to go fully after the purpose-driven, wealthy life – PLAY FULL OUT!
The half in, half out method takes way too long and the tension is stretched out for too long…
Just BE IN or be out.
Please remember.
- Your vision is your permission.
- You are capable of your calling.
- You are much more powerful than you realise.
- Yes you can get everything you want.
- You are loved. You are enough. You are worthy. You deserve the very best of everything.
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Much Amazing Love
