To be in pain feels like weakness.
.
To be in pain feels like you are trying to make excuses for not moving forward.
.
And yet, no matter how capable you are, sometimes you are in pain.
.
And sometimes, you really need to allow yourself to be in the pain so that you can heal the pain.
.
But we are pushers.
.
We want to push on through and not face into the darkness…
Until we can push no longer.
.
And then it all shatters and there are too many pieces to hold together and so, we have no choice but to let go.
.
I have been there.
.
It is not pretty.
.
You want to hide.
.
You feel alone.
.
You feel like no one understands your pain.
.
And you are trying hard not to truly hate yourself.
.
But how can you be here?
.
How can YOU be here?
.
YOu with all the promise and the certainty and the sureness.
.
How can YOU be here?
.
And so you hide from yourself?
.
You slap on a smile.
.
And then you cry yourself to sleep at night
.
Or silently weep first thing in the morning when you are lying in bed awake and you just cannot silence the thoughts in your head.
.
You go over all that you did to get here.
.
How could YOU, powerful YOU, not have seen?
.
And you wanna whip yourself.
.
And punish yourself.
.
and do anything to get away from the pain of this.
.
And this is no swift recovery.
.
In fact, depending on how low you have gone, you are not even sure you care to recover.
.
You just want to give up.
.
And you might even try but something somehow stops you.
.
As bad as it feels, you still feel a sliver of hope.
.
But you cannot handle that today.
.
No, not today.
.
And so the pain continues.
.
You are not sure it will not kill you.
.
But somehow, little by little, the light begins to return.
.
You may not be here yet, but I promise it does.
.
Little by little, you begin to find a reason to laugh again.
.
Maybe not a belly laugh.
.
But at least a moment of pure joy before the darkness returns.
.
And that again rekindles the hope that there is more, that the YOU that you thought you were, is still there, still capable of being awakened.
.
And so you take little steps.
.
Incy wincy steps.
.
Sometimes, you do not even realise you are shifting, changing, praying more, believing more, allowing yourself to heal a little, feeling worthy again, forgiving yourself a little and then some more, forgiving ‘THEM’ a little and then some more too.
.
The darkness gets a little lighter.
.
the pain less intense.
.
The desire to run away lessens.
.
And you begin to live again.
.
Your heart begins to open to love.
.
Not too quick now but little by little.
.
The hope increases.
.
It becomes faith.
.
Maybe just a mustard seed of faith, but faith enough to keep taking the next step.
.
You begin to realise again that the Divine was always there.
.
Waiting for you to be ready.
.
WAiting for you to choose to awaken again.
.
You realise you were never alone.
.
Even though it hurt soooo bad.
.
You let go some more.
.
You heal some more.
.
Life looks set to be on the up and up.
.
And one day, you realise you did not feel pain today.
.
Another day, you realise you were HAPPY, truly HAPPY.
.
And in the middle of this journey, you have remembered who you are.
.
And you admire your strength.
.
You admire your ability to go through all of that and still live to tell the tale.
.
You know your power now.
.
YOU ARE AWAKE.
.
No, it does not always have to be a painful journey.
.
But it seems to be our path of choice.
.
Whatever you are going through now, realise it is not the end.
.
I would love to walk with you, if you will let me.
.
Join me for WIN THE WAR WITHIN, if you are ready.
.
See all the details at RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/winthewarwithin.
.
Much Amazing Love
