I had asthma growing up…
And I used it to get out of things I did not want to do…
In fact, I learnt very early on, that illness had the effect of covering a multitude of sins and it got me lots of attention.
My mum had to come get me out of the hater boarding school if I claimed to have asthma or typhoid fever…
I got to chill out and not do very much until I was lugged back…
So whenever things were not go the way I wanted and I wanted to avoid circumstances, I would use illness and a sad story.
Yep, EVIL! ha ha!
And I got to thinking about that last night as my little girl crept into bed with us having another wheezing fit…
I felt Papa remind me about how we as adults learn these patterns as children but then forget…
Forget that we learnt once upon a time that the way to avoid facing up to life was simply to have a sad story that no one could question…
After all, we could not be expected to play full out if we were ill or in some way, wounded…
And yes, you may even really be ill – I am not saying that you are faking it…
But can I tell you something I did and it may make you annoyed, I know, but for those who do want relief and healing, I must share my sordid tale…
I once willed myself to be ill simply because I did not want to feel ashamed of the fact that I had been kicked off the marching team at school. I wanted people to think that the reason why I was not marching was simply because I was ill. I remember saying this out loud to myself and a friend that I just had to be ill on the day that the marching was going to take place as I could not bear people to think that I was simply not good enough to be on the team.
And I ACTUALLY GOT HORRIBLY ILL!
Because I wanted it.
We humans are pretty darned powerful though we claim not to know it.
Now, only you know the circumstances of your life and as I said, I know that some will feel attacked or some other such thing
“Rosemary, you do not understand how I feel. I have been so ill for so long”
You are right, I am not in your skin but I do know that it is VERY REAL, what you feel.
I do not diminish that.
But I ask you, and everyone, to go deeper than the surface sad story, the surface illness…
Did you EVER make an internal decision to play ill because it got your parent’s love and attention?
Did you grow up in a household where it was the ONLY way to get anyone to pay attention to you?
Did you feel like you had to vie with your siblings for attention?
Is it, at all, possible that you have brought that tendency into adult life?
It takes courage to admit this.
But it could be the start of your healing if this is even slightly the case, or if you feel a reluctant resonance with what I am saying here…
Now, it may not be illness as such, it may just be that your sad story from the past and from your childhood shields you from having to live life fully and deliberately.
You can just tell yourself, and anyone that will listen, your sad story and give yourself a pass, just like I used to do.
And sometimes it is simply learnt behaviour and so it takes self-awareness to unlearn it.
Does that mean that every illness and every story has its roots in avoiding dealing with the present and a desire for attention? Nope
But a lot do.
Because we are powerful creatures.
We really are
And what we dwell upon will manifest in our physical bodies and it takes a heckuva lot of dwelling on the positive to turn it around – After all, you are dealing with over 30 years of dwelling on how to get attention and how to avoid uncomfortable situations as opposed to a few days of trying to turn it around.
Self-Awareness starts the process of healing though and you do want to be healed, right?
Particularly if it will lead to a life of abundance, fulfilment, freedom.
So, if you are willing to face the dark sides of yourself and love yourself back to the light, what I have said above, may be something to consider.
And by the way, you can find out more about the Deliberate Life of Abundance, Freedom, Fulfilment by downloading a free copy of my book (comes with audio transcript to listen to wherever you are) PRAY. AFFIRM. RECEIVE – How to get clear, stay clear and take action to get what you want out of life. Download it at RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/bookgift
MUCH AMAZING LOVE