For too long, you have identified with your past. It has become a part of you.
You can still feel the pain of events from your youth…
You can still feel the pain of hurts wrought upon you in adulthood by people who were supposed to love you…
You can still taste the betrayal and you know something inside of you, shifted from then on.
It became a struggle to remain happy and joyful because something bitter got lodged within you and now you cannot shake it.
You want to be happy but somehow, you cannot shake the pain.
It is time to stop…
For the sake of your freedom, it is time to stop.
On too many occasions, I speak to people who are so capable of so much and yet, their body is riddled with disease, their mind is pretty bitter and angry and there is just no space for something good and new to enter their life.
All their energies are invested in pain.
Their whole identity is caught up in how this person did that, and the other person did the other and I wonder when they will realize that they are the only one chained up.
They are trapped in a prison of their own making.
Surely, it is time for freedom.
You cannot create wealth when you are forever focused on the past and the hurts – Some people do it just to spite those who have hurt them and yet, it is a hollow victory and they tend to lose it or live a very lonely life where their whole focus is on maintaining their identity as the one who did not allow this or that person to defeat them.
When will you simply choose to be happy? To simply choose you?
If wealth is something you want, then happiness is a more surefire way to getting there than victimhood.
Yes, honey, you are being a victim…
You are stronger than that…
And I know you do not go through life thinking that you are a victim and yet, if you are allowing an event, no matter how bad, determine your actions then, honey, it is time for freedom.
I am going to be honest and say that for a long time, I too allowed my past to define me. And even now, I have to catch myself before I go down the windy road of blame and judgment. Even now, there are areas I still get help with.
After all, they were supposed to love me…
They were supposed to treat me right…
How dare they do this, or that?
And all the time, I allow it to steal my own happiness.
I remember leaving Nigeria when I was 17. I was driven literally by hate. I was going to prove everyone wrong, I was going to show them – all the men in my life who had thought I was just a little female with nothing to offer but cooking and cleaning skills (which I was not good at, anyway!).
Yes, it drove me to excelling at school – to prove them wrong.
But the pressure on me, the need to ‘show them’ was eating me alive.
Passivity in all other areas of life showed up because I could not focus on things that would bring me joy when I was trying to prove them wrong.
And finally, I realized the power I was giving these people over me.
I was allowing them determine my path in life, instead of deliberately choosing my own way.
I made a choice to seek healing – A whole lot of prayer ensued.
A whole lot of talk therapy…
And finally, I started to see the light in the darkness.
I started to see that I had choice about how I allowed this to continue to play out in my life.
I could choose freedom.
I could choose myself.
I could love myself regardless of what they thought or said of me.
And I could follow my own joys without the tinge of pain and hurt.
Here is a quick process you can follow if you would like peace of mind in all areas and if you want freedom to be you with out all the drama.
- Be willing to be healed – For too long, your pain has given you a talking point when you meet people. It has been part of what you thought made you interesting and so, talking about it all the time has been a part of you. It may seem too hard to have nothing to talk about anymore. It may feel like you would be giving up your identity by no longer having that to talk about or to think about and you may hold on for that reason. I know I did and again, I still do at times.The question becomes, Are you ready to be free? Are you ready to let your history go? It is an ongoing thing to learn to say yes to both those questions. Make a little step in that direction today.
- Notice how you use your pain to gain control – Do you bow out of events, relationships because you feel you cannot cope with it due to your past? Do you dwell so much on the past that you almost cause yourself to be depressed? Are you scared that without the past to dwell on, then there will not be much of you left.Start to change your language – the way you talk to others and the way you talk to yourself.
- What good things have come out of your past?Deliberately seek out the good in these painful events. Is there another way to see the circumstance? Depending on how painful you found the events, it may seem tough to do but it is not impossible. How strong has it made you as a person today? How can you be grateful for the past?
- ForgiveRemember you do this not for them but for you. You do it for your freedom. Think through what you need to do to get release from it – Do you need to talk to them? No blame, just a statement of how you felt and a desire to close the door to any future pain. I know this is not as simple as I make it sound but you can do it.
- Choose LoveLove is a choice. Leave the past in the past and develop an attitude of gratitude and love. Choose to invite good things into your life by focusing only on what you want to create and loving it into being.
Even as I type this, I am aware, that I too must go through this process time and time again for various events in my past because I choose to be a powerful, free loving warrior.
I hope you make the same choice too.
Would you like some support on this, then the starting point is The Deliberate Millionaire, a safe space to seek out freedom in all areas of life. Be seen, be loved, Win
Find out more here – RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/deliberatemillionaire
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