As Bill Cosby said, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
It is so easy to get caught up in making everyone happy – you might even call it customer service!
It may give you a sense of worth, it may make you feel temporarily needed but in the long term, it leaves you feeling like an addict needing their very next fix of approval because there is never enough approval to last very long.
I have made the hugest mistakes when I have worked too hard to gain the approval of people around me.
I have made bad business decisions, worse relationship decisions and all kinds of rubbish has happened when I focus more on trying to keep people happy rather than serving them.
It is so hard to spot the difference sometimes so here are a few pointers for you to look out for as you go about your daily business.
Because really, if your life is about keeping people happy then you are putting yourself on hold. And we only have ONE life so why would you do that?
1. You do not tell people what you really think, ever!
Even people close to you – In business, you are just the same as everyone else; selling the same stuff in the same way, trying to come across as having it all together, professional, looking for the perfect 1+1 = 2 strategy – there is nothing unique about you as you try hard to blend in and please your customers into buying from you.
2. You put your own immediate family last …
as you try very hard to please the new people in your life – In business, you become a workaholic, working hard to please everyone else and you cannot see the distance growing between you and your immediate family.
3. You make your customers’ emergencies, your emergencies …
but really?!! Are they?
4. You put your extended family before your spouse and kids…
as well as before your own wants and needs – This can be a cultural thing as you have been trained your whole life that your identity can only be found as you please your extended family.
The problem with this is again, that you do not really show up in your business or your life or maybe you do not even start that business because you are trying hard to keep your parents satisfied that you are still in the employment they shed blood and tears to train you for.
5. You never say ‘NO’
– This leaves you feeling used and abused but you think you are called to ‘serve’ and that that means you must burn out yourself for other people and that is the only way you can consider yourself worthy.
6. You feel really bad that you are ‘letting someone down’ quite a lot of the time
– Even when they are being manipulated! The problem is you do not really see the manipulation even though people tell you that you are being manipulated. However, you feel guilty when you do not do what ‘they’ want you to do or even what you THINK they want you to do.
7. You swoop in to save the day all the time, you see yourself as some kind of savior of the world.
– You feel your role in life is to save others from themselves, you see all the things they are not doing and you take it upon yourself to save them but get frustrated when they do not take personal responsibility and yet, you keep putting yourself out. You keep your anger hidden because deep down, you still think you have to earn their approval or the approval of God.
8. You are reading this and thinking that Jesus asked you to lay down your life…
and serve others so by telling you about all this, you think I am asking you to be selfish. – Maybe there is another way to look at things if you dare to look and instead of working for God’s approval, you realize He made you the way you are and He loves you already so you have nothing to prove and abundance is actually your birthright.
9. You fall into relationships really quickly …
when people flatter you and make you feel special and you ultimately, end up hurting them or you as time makes you realize that this was not right for you (if you are lucky!)
10. If you are unlucky, you are stuck in a relationship that you should not be in for a very long time…
because you are too worried about how THEY will handle it if you leave – All your energy then goes to maintaining this relationship so no time to spend on making a difference or your fortune.
I am not an advocate of leaving relationships willy-nilly but I do believe there must be honesty and reality in a relationship for it to be happy and conducive to the growth of both parties.
11. You are petrified about making mistakes…
Especially if they are what you perceive to be public ones and so you stay stuck and broke financially. Making mistakes is an inherent part of building a great business, forming new healthy relationships and having a great life.
12. You know you have a calling, a mission to live out…
but you are too scared about what people will say about you to actually make a start so life is a mess of unfulfilment and quiet desperation but you always put a smile on it.
13. You do not show anger easily
– You pretend all is well as you try very hard to be accepted by others and you are unduly concerned about making sure they are happy.
This either has or will end up in a bit of a breakdown as your pushed down emotions will need an outlet at some point and so you end up self-sabotaging your business or life.
14. You feel rebellious all the time…
because you try very hard not to just do things because people want you to do it but you still want their approval anyway. So you feel guilty a lot of the time and it all shows up as aggression. You wish people would understand why you do the things you do but as no one does, you just keep feeling rebellious and trying hard to shock people with the choices you make.
This thing is, you are still not happy or fulfilled or even creating wealth in a way that makes you feel good.
Did you catch a glimpse of yourself in there? Now that you know, what can you do differently? Tell me in the comments and if you are serious about getting past this then, right now, you can start a 28 day challenge called the ‘People-Please No More’ Program – It will show you how to stop people pleasing and start living an exceptionally successful life doing what you love’ and I would love for you to join me. It is completely home-study so you can do it in your own time
Find out more here – RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/peoplepleasenomore
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