Some days, I look over my life and wonder why on earth, I keep pushing and pushing to be something else. My friends wonder this as well. They do not understand why I cannot just settle into what looks like a great life, why do I think I must have it all.
Years ago now, I trained and qualified as a pharmacist…
I had worked full-time on and off in term-time and the holidays to keep myself going for the 4 years of University (and let’s not talk about the 3 prior in college and a forced year off!)…
And so, as I registered as a pharmacist, I thought I had made it…
And by most people’s standards, I had.
I was earning more than the average member of UK society. I had a lovely hubby, a good enough 3 bed house with a large garden, a cleaner who helped with keeping things ticking over and really, I should have felt settled.
And yet, I did not.
I wanted more.
There was something missing and I knew that I was not living to my full potential at all and I was certainly not fulfilling my purpose. Although, of course, I did not think of things this way – I did not know what I know now, I just knew that I was not happy with the way things were.
I wanted something more.
The times I came alive, were usually when taking the young girls in my church to a women’s event to help them see that there was so much more potential within them than they realised. I loved teaching and showing people how to live better, do better, put in place practical strategies to help them.
Mostly, they did not listen…
Mostly, I scared them with my intense desire for them to succeed at what I thought would be best for them…
And yet, I could not help myself – I wanted the best for them, for everyone.
I have always been very discerning – I had a feeling about people, I could see what they did not see and if they let me, I could bring out the best in them or in some cases, I knew they just were not up to anything good.
Great gift – Sometimes, as I say, it scared people – I was too blunt, I AM too blunt.
And beneath my clumsy attempts to unleash me, was a deep desire to significantly help a lot of people be the best they could be.
I was the same at school – in Africa. I took people under my wing to support them, to help them survive being away from parents in a boarding school, to really tap into their spiritual side and in fact, I was given an award for being ‘Mother Africa’ – It was supposed to be an insult but I was strangely proud of it because I felt like I was changing lives.
Again, I had some spiritual insights that changed people but also, scared them.
I was mostly a reader (not a useful skill for an African woman) – I could read and read and read and do nothing else all day except, I was in Africa – Books were not always in great supply so I read a lot of books I should not have been reading…
And also, people wanted me to learn to cook and clean, after all, no one was going to marry a woman who could not do that stuff – As if I cared!!!! Did I mention I was the rebellious type? I just plain old refused to learn despite the yellings, beatings at times. I got labelled ‘Lazy’ and I even believed it and that became a word that really lodged into my heart for a long time until I realised I was not lazy, I just did not want to do the stuff THEY wanted me to do.
When I was doing my own thing like writing, reading, serving others in some way – I was a machine. I was in my element and I could keep going beyond the norm for most people. In fact, it was exhilarating! Still is…
I wanted to write and the only encouragement I got about that was from an English teacher who seemed to see something in my school work and took me under his wing to help me get even better.
This is a memory that stuck in my head because as I hit my thirties and started a blog FINALLY after wanting to do it for a long time, I remembered that when people mentioned that they liked the way I wrote. It was a strength I had not taken the time to develop because it seemed pointless except for in my MANY, MANY journals.
I loved to sing and do my music thing – My nickname at school was Mozart – and yet, this too was discouraged at home, as there was no clear path to the money. I am still working on shifting my resistance to this one though I am so excited about the album I am putting together VERY slowly.
As I grew older, I learnt that I loved to speak – Everyone else would get really nervous to stand in front of a group and do their thing but I loved the spotlight (still do!). I was in my element, joking, laughing, enjoying engaging with people from a stage. Again, I did not see the potential in that.
And as I went through all these experiences of life, I just went along with what my family expected of me. I did not resent it, I just did not realise that I could live a different way.
I laid down my desire to spend more time writing, more time with my music, more time reading, moer time people-watching and I tried to be the pharmacist that made money and made my mum proud but the only part of it that I liked was sitting down with a patient and helping them sort through their medications and talking about their issues in the 20 minutes we were allowed for the medicines use review consultation.
I tried to be normal. You have probably tried to be normal too…
I listened in to my church pastors, my extended family and I tried to stay in place and be content, humble, satisfied, happy but it all unravelled, starting with bankruptcy.
I could not settle.
I was created to do more.
And yet, I could not see how I could make it happen.
How could I?
For four years after the bankruptcy, I gave up. I tried to tell myself that I had to settle. I sold all my personal development books thinking I needed to get these dreams out of my head. I had to become what ‘they’ wanted me to be because I was now a mum and just needed to focus on that.
I decided to actually start to go after my dreams but I took a side route.
I started in property because I thought it would be easy. I did not know what I know now, that business success is tough and you are better off doing the thing you want to do because you are going to have to invest a great deal of your time, energy, emotion into it so why not make sure you are doing something you like?
Anyway, I got to work – Making it work. It was then that I truly recognised that I was pretty darned hardworking and fearless when I was determined!
This time, I had incentive – I wanted to be home with my girls as they grew up. That was my BIG WHY!
So, I forgot all about purpose and fulfilment and just tried to focus on making as much money as I could. It was TOUGH!
So very tough and normally, I would have quit and gone back to work but I would look at my girls and keep on going. And after 12 months of thinking NOTHING would EVER work, I found a strategy that worked for me and within 6 months of that, I had left pharmacy forever.
It was great to see that I really was the person that I had always suspected I could be with the right motivation. I wonder who you could be if you really put yourself to the test.
Do you ever wonder what you could do, who you could be, as you go about your day full of dissatisfaction and internal discomfort, wondering if this is all there is?
Do you think to yourself that you could do more but then you shy away from actually doing it because you are pretty scared that you may not actually match up to what you dream about?
You might quit!
And then what would all the people say about you?
You can see their faces now and so you stay in place, stuck, dissatisfied and full of wasted potential.
It is time to wake up.
The saga continued for me as I realised that I was still dissatisfied, still searching for something, still knowing that I had only taken a sideways step from one despised career to a ‘settled for’ business. This was still not all there was to me.
I wanted more still.
And this time, I had experienced what it was to make money off my own efforts, off my own resourcefulness and I knew I could be, do, have much more than this.
And suddenly, I really started to see that all the dreams in my heart could come to pass because I was THAT person.
You know what I mean?
That person who decided they wanted something and did whatever it took to make it so.
I had always known I could be that person but after the battle I experienced for business success, I finally realised it was really true and I just needed to figure out what I really wanted and do what it takes consistently.
But again, I was scared.
I was asking myself to step away from this fought-for real-estate success AGAIN!
Could I actually build a business based around my strengths? Reading, writing, singing, speaking, coaching.
My coach seemed to think it was possible.
And finally, I thought “Why not give it a go?”
So, I started to build my coaching practice and I am still on this journey. I have seen some high-highs and some low-lows. This business is close to my heart because it is flexible enough to include all the things I love to do and I love it.
I LOVE IT!
This is the work that I would do for free but I have done that and I know that no one values support that they are not invested in so I choose to ask for an investment when people work with me.
And I get to build a life and a business based around my strengths – Reading, writing, singing, speaking, coaching.
I want that for you too – A business and life built around your strengths.
But you have to be willing to wake up, to choose to believe it is possible for you to create this life and then to keep moving forward and never, ever stop because you can do this. You can absolutely build a life you adore.
You just have to begin.
See how my strengths have been weaved into my whole life story – Take some time to look at yours. What strengths come up time and time again in your history?
They may not have been considered strengths by the people in your world. They may have been considered weirdnesses, in fact!
So you may have been redirected away from them for all kinds of practical reasons – There is no money in that, nobody wants to marry someone who does that, How will you take care of me, if you do that?, After all I have done for you, you choose to do THIS?!!!
You may even feel that you have invested too much in your current career path and so the concept of upping and leaving it seems too huge to consider.
And all the reasons sound valid but it is time for you to decide to live your life on your own terms and in order to do that, you must show up. You must unleash you.
So, write down some thoughts about what your strengths could be…
Write down what you would like to do…
Start today to dream about it…
Start to allow your mind to come up with novel ideas of what you could do with your life.
Do not judge anything…
Do not doubt anything…
You may not do any of the initial thoughts that you have but you have to acknowledge them in order for your brains to come up with the real ones. You have spent far too long trying to be safe, comfortable and hidden so it will take some work to wake up the real ideas within you.
You almost have to coax them out of you because you have spent a long time in denial.
So, acknowledge everything.
And start to convert them into action steps.
Allow yourself to test out the waters of your new ideas. Expect some kick back from people who expect you to act and be a certain way.
But keep moving forward anyway. It is your life, you know!
You and I – We may be weird but it is the weird ones that change the world.
Are you ready to fight for, to create the life and the business that you want?
PS – I am leading my next Wealthy Set Online Mastermind group for 5 people who want to impact people, change lives and create a whole lot of wealth over the next 12 months. This is an intense, wealth accelerator program that is personalised to each person in the set – You get the training you need, you get the hot seats and brainstorming that you need to get the results, you get the accountability and clarity you need to keep moving forward with focus and determination.
You will get over the internal nonsense that stops you and you will DO THE WORK and get the results you want.
Find out more about what is on offer by popping over to RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/wealthyset and then follow the instructions on the page.