Recently, I have been asking people this very important question and the answers I get can be pretty enlightening. It is a question that has a very simple answer – at least, I think it is simple. Yet, there are too many people who seem to have forgotten how simple the answer really is.
So, what is the question?
“Who is in control?”
Now the simple answer is ‘I am’ but people give me all kind of varying answers and most importantly, people act in ways that suggest that they do not actually know who is in control.
Here are a few examples and potential solutions for the issues we face.
Listening to some people, you would think that they are stuck in relationships they did not choose. In some cases, this is indeed the fact. Maybe, you come from a culture where your husband/wife was chosen for you by well meaning parents.
However, you are now in the position to decide how that relationship plays out. The chances are, that if you are speaking to me then there are parts of your life you really want to change, so the decision becomes ‘Who is in control of my life now?’
For most of us, we chose our partners and though we may want to hide behind them, there is a part of us that is committed to being all we were created to be. There is a hunger within us for more and maybe, you have a partner who is choosing not to grow with you. Well, let me honest with you – you have three choices (as my mastermind group always remind me) –
- Live with it (and shut up complaining!)
- Don’t live with it
- Improve it
So what will you do?
We have kids and they become the centre of our world or so it seems. We get conflicted about how much time we spend with them and how much time we spend on making money. For some of us, they are the reason we started in business as we attempt to find a better work/life balance. For others, it can be the drive that keeps you going in your career determined to give your kids and family a better life than you had.
And yet, for others, children become the excuse they hide behind. When asked ‘who is in control?’ they claim that they are but then their actions suggest that actually their kids are completely in control of everything from parenting to whether they create a fulfilled life or not.
Please do not get me wrong, I know personally the difficulties that can result from guilt or overwork. However, being a home educator to 3 princesses and responsible for 2 businesses, I know it is possible to find personal fulfilment as well as create a loving home. Do I get it right all the time? Absolutely Not but I work with a coach to ensure I never swing too far in any one direction.
The key here, is I take control and ensure I am held accountable. I know what my excuses can be and I refuse to allow myself that leeway. I work with clients to ensure they too remain in control of their own life. The question I always ask parents is this – ‘Who will you be when the kids leave home? Will you be a burden to them?’
Think about it.
This is another one that clients suffer from. This usually comes about because you belong to a culture that demands you offer up your time and money continuously in order to remain part of the extended family group.
Usually, you feel guilty and manipulated most of the time as you attempt to be someone you are not, just to fit into the group. And sometimes, you do not even see that you are being manipulated because it is the only way you know to live.
As a lady that comes from a culture like this, I have had to make hard choices in order to ensure I am not eaten alive by demands. It is tough! I know! but I MUST choose where and when I can help or else I am giving over control to my feelings of guilt rather than love.
Too many people try soo hard to hang on to a peer group that no longer suits. The truth is, the people you spend time with, will drag you down or lift you up. You get to choose what your results will be.
Some people have a saviour mentality where they are determined to save all their friends from their lack of success. Most of the time, you cannot make anyone do anything that they do not have the drive to do themselves. They must be willing to work with you to create their own success or else you are just wasting your time.
So again, I would ask you ‘Who is in control?’ and if there is any doubt in your response then it is time to look a little closer at the things you are letting happen to you.
Yesterday, I mentioned on the Facebook page, that my BIG message to you all is to live life deliberately and that is the truth. I ask you to stop leaving things to chance. Your success is unlikely to drop on your head without some deliberate action from you so start today to decide who is in control of your success.
Tell me, where do you feel you may be dropping the ball? or have you got the balance right?