So who’s gonna tell me…

“I wake up in the morning and I wonder who I am”

No, that is not me; it is a line from Battlestar Galactica.  A TV series I had never heard of but Tloml is a fan so here I am watching it and writing this as well.  One of the actors is beginning to realise she is not who she thought she was; She may well be one of the monsters!  The line resonated with me as I sometimes feel a bit like that first thing in the morning, especially if it has been one of those nights where H wakes a few more times than normal and I have only had about 4 or less hours sleep and not even consecutively.

Aaanyway, bringing it back to the subject of the post, ever since I was a little girl, I have been trained to be obedient, to follow  instructions, to work hard at school, at university and finally I took this attitude to work.  I very proudly completed my studies then completed my internship and finally registered as a Pharmacist – A very noble and well-paying profession.  In theory, I am made.  I have a great stable profession and actually it is pretty convenient for women, particularly when children are added to the mix.  The only problem is that somewhere inside I am and have always been the rebellious kind.  I want more!  Deep down, I want to be the captain of my ship, the mistress of my own destiny.  I want to have my cake and I want to eat it.  All great sounding (or funny!!!), Right?  However…  I am also somewhat scared but that is the subject of another post.

The thing is, for all my lofty sounding words, I realise, usually about 3pm or so, that I am soooo used to having people tell me what to do that I am not sure what action I need to take.  My head is buzzing with ideas of all the things I need to do but this Mumpreneurship is like a whole other animal.  I am out here on my own.  Ok, so not literally, as Tloml is doing his best to support me but we both acknowledge that this is more my thing.  So, usually at this time (3pm-ish), I have cleaned the house (maybe :-)), read to the children, played with them, fed them and so on.  All the while with ‘things to do’ going through my head.  Unfortunately, there is no coherence to my ideas so putting them into action is somewhat difficult.

So who is going to tell me what to do?

No – one I guess.

I better get planning?! or taking action? or putting my ideas down in writing? or maybe I should ask someone? or… Any ideas, anyone? 😕

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