Tell me… Who are you living for anyway?
This obsession with people pleasing is really not useful when creating a life we can be proud of. All the time spent worrying about how we are coming across, obsessed with the idea that somehow we can be successful and still be loved by every single person in the world. It is not possible and the earlier we learn that, the quicker we can get to our real life’s work of people serving.
I have spent an incredibly long time trying to keep my family happy, fitting into the idea that my friends had of me. All the while, I kept myself down, trying to fit into my box. Inside I KNEW I was not living to my full potential and you know what? I finally got tired of it.
Are you tired of it yet?
I still remember being laughed at by a close family member when I mentioned I wanted to get into business. I would like to say I cannot still hear the shrill laughter in my head but I would be lying. It still lives there somewhere in the recesses of my mind and I choose not to listen to it. You can choose that, too.
Here are some tips to become a person in service, rather than a people pleasing person.
Learn to Hear Your Own Thoughts
Too many people have learnt in the journey of life to live in a people pleasing way and so , in that process, you stop listening to your intuition, your own thoughts, your own ideas. We grow up with parents who certainly mean well but can tend to impose their opinions far too strongly on our developing psyche. Most of you reading this are parents now, so you know how easy it is to do.
It is not that our parents, friends do not love us. It is that they care sooo much for our safety that they forget that in order to grow, we must have free reign over our actions, we must bear the consequences where they seek to protect us from them.
We too must learn to take full responsibility for our actions and not seek to cower behind our relatives and friends. In business, it means we must hear our customers when they complain but learn to hear what our own thoughts and feelings say about the complaint. Separate the complaint about the service from feeling it is a complaint about us personally.
Learn to share your own thoughts and feelings
Learn to disagree when necessary. You may not agree with the direction your client wants you to go in. It is alright to say so. No need to get defensive about it. Just clearly state the way you feel about it. If they disagree with you, they are of course free to choose another supplier of your service who more closely aligns with their needs.
Remember, there is abundance everywhere. For each customer/client you let go, there are more who more closely align with your vision and who you can serve better because you are more in alignment.
With relatives, learn to agree to disagree. Use this statement frequently ‘How interesting!’ and really mean it. Every opinion is valid and being open to understanding it may help you progress but even if it is not something you agree with, there is certainly no point getting annoyed and uptight about it.
Focus on respect
Respect for yourself by putting clear boundaries in place. Learn to respect yourself and your own values so you do not allow people to walk all over you in business or at home.
Respect for others means you do not overstep their boundaries as well. This also applies to your children. They may be smaller than you but learn to hear them out and respect their opinion. You may not agree but shouting them down is certainly not respectful. Treat others how you would want to be treated.
Do you struggle in this area of life? Do you keep people pleasing? It is pretty surprising how issues like this affect your ability, not just at home but also in your professional life so take a look at People Please No More – A powerful 28 day program that shows you how to stop being a people pleaser & start making money doing what you want to do in your own business.