Love and Laura Johnson? What trouble did she manage to get into?
Sitting here in the Kitchen, hands aching as I get rid of my present hairstyle and prepare for another new look. Hair always takes considerably longer than I think it should – The price of beauty!
Anyway, I get to thinking about love and women and how we sometimes react to it.
In the news this week, there has been news of the court trial of the millionaire’s daughter who somehow got herself in the wrong crowd. I had heard about it while listening to the Jeremy Vine Show on BBC Radio 2. Have a look over here if you have not heard about it all yet.
What happened to this girl, Laura Johnson, to bring her so low? Was it love for this boy? Incidentally, like me, he is of Nigerian Descent.
Is love a good enough excuse for getting involved in the civil unrest last year? Well, of course not, most of us would say and I cannot argue with that but I am intrigued by something – Something that happens to a lot of women. That thing is Love! Or at least, that is what we call it.
In addition to this Laura Johnson story, I also heard from a friend who had an issue with a bad boy and one of my tenants has again found herself enmeshed with her bad-boy boyfriend. Time and again, I see girls get mixed up with bad boys and dragged into doing things they would never have imagined themselves doing and it is all in the name of love!
I have not escaped it in my life. Anyone that knows me knows some of my past and knows that but for the grace of God and my inner stubbornness, I too could be in an unexpected situation.
The call of the Bad Boy
What is it about the bad boy that attracts us women? And why is it that when we love, we do so despite evidence telling us that a relationship could be wrong. We love so much that we choose not to see their wrongs or worst of all, we tell ourselves that we can change them.
We stop listening to our inner voice that tells us that we are deluding ourselves and we choose to blindly go where our desires take us.
“Love never keeps a record of wrong, Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures every circumstance”. Some read this in the bible and convince themselves that this is what they are doing as they love this guy who cares a lot less about them.
The other thing about love that can be forgotten is that love does not rejoice in wrongdoing but desires the truth to come out. This surely demands that we are truthful with ourselves rather than live in self-delusion.
Is it simple?
No, Love never is.
I know the heart wrenching agony associated with loving someone. The start of a relationship can be difficult even when it is the right relationship. When the relationship is combined with an underlying apprehension about whether one should be in it or not, then life becomes something of a roller-coaster.
One moment you are blissfully in love with your man and everything looks bright. He is whispering sweet nothings to you and you can already see your children, grandchildren and more as you imagine the wonderful life you are going to have with this guy. You want to spend all your time with him and be the center of his attention forever but…
The moment you leave to go home or you are on your own, you come crashing back down to earth and you try hard not to listen to the voices in your head telling you that this is not right. He may not call or text you back every time you try to communicate with him which just compounds the issue. Logically, you can see that he is not as into you as you are into him but you know how you feel when you are with him.
You hate the way you feel and you hate the way he treats you but you feel powerless to resist. He may not even treat you badly but something is not right. You feel it inside – an unease that you cannot explain; unease you do not want to explain.
What can we do to better our chances of a loving relationship?
In previous times, our parents partnered us up with people they considered worthy of us and you made a life with a guy you may not know too well. Sometimes it worked, sometimes if didn’t.. Nowadays, we blindly go forth into the world looking for the feeling of love and attraction, full of hope that some one will love us like Edward loves Bella (apart from the Vampire bit, of course!) And unfortunately, our strike rate is far worse that that of our parents.
Should we return to arranged marriages? Probably will never happen! I just cannot get past the part where I have to be naked in front of someone I do not know! 😀
Should we take better care of our hearts? Definitely!
Can we afford to expose it to the first person that comes calling on it? Maybe, maybe not, let him prove himself. Keep slight distance until you know the boy – What is his full name, birthday? What does he do? What are his parents like? How does he talk about them? Is he a hard worker or does he live life with a chip on his shoulder? Does he think everyone owes him a living or is he someone that will do whatever is necessary to take care of the family?
Does he respect you? Be honest about this one. If he treats you cheaply before you are properly in a relationship, it will only get worse.
Women, do not give yourself too freely, your innermost heart too easily and most importantly…
Trust your instincts. If you are perturbed, there is a reason. Do not avoid it. Look it right in the face and walk away from the boy before you fall in too deep and end up broken inside.
I know it is easier said than done.