Everyone wants THAT life – The life of confidence. A life where you set the rules and you live life on your own terms. You build a highly successful business and your income skyrockets. Or maybe, it is a book or a ministry or music you put together and you get to live the life you dream of, doing only what you love, fulfilling your calling. You spend time with your family whenever you want to and you travel the world at will. Everyone wants a version of this but unless you know how to build self-esteem, you are doomed to get in your own way.
All your big ideas will remain dreams and wishes and heartfelt prayer requests that you never reach.
Surely, you are done with that.
It is time to deliberately do what is necessary to build your self-esteem.
Please understand this is not just for those who obviously seem to lack any confidence. You know that there is a part of you that holds you back from taking full and confident action on your desires. You know it.
People look at you and think you HAVE it but you know you want more… You know you could have more… And everyday, I work with seemingly confident, successful people who have trouble in this arena so honey, you are not alone.
It is time to allow yourself to be seen so that you can be healed.
So, let’s look at a few ways to build self-esteem
1. Accept That It Is Okay For Life To be Good All the Time
I know that seems simple and, of course, you believe it when you do not deliberately think about it. However, REALLY, do you understand that it is okay for YOUR life to feel good all the time.
If you accept that you have to feel down and shy and if you think it is normal to suffer with a lack of good feelings about yourself then nothing I say next will make any impact on your life and the results you get. You have to completely allow yourself to believe that life can be good all the time. If you have not read a book called ‘The Big Leap’ then this is your moment to go get it. It will open your eyes to the possibilities of a life that feels good all the time.
This is a great starting place for you to build self-esteem.
Say it with me “I choose abundance, I choose love, I choose success”
And deliberately say this to yourself over and over again until you start to feel that it can become your reality.
2. Your Inner Critic Can Show you how to build self esteem
OK, it is time to start paying a little more attention to that voice inside of you. Too many people walk through life thinking they are fairly positive people but when they start to listen, really listen to the ongoing commentary inside their heads, they realise they are mistaken.
I worked with a client once who also assumed he was very positive and then suddenly realised just how wrong he was as he started to listen in. You may read this and think – “Well, how did it help him to know?”
And let me tell you…
Just because you claim ignorance of an issue does not mean it is not quietly but very destructively eating away at your confidence, making you second-guess your decisions, making you slow to make any decisions and all because under the surface, you are quietly sabotaging yourself as you listen to this inner critic.
You have to bring it into the light so that you can combat it. You have started by following the action in tip 1 – Yes, you can start to crowd it out by installing new thoughts. Do not think, however, that it will go without a fight. It is horrid to see how much of a stronghold your critic has over your mind so expect to have to fight to take back control.
But this is a part of you so fight gently but determinedly. Listen in, acknowledge that your inner critic feels that you are lazy, not good enough, a fraud etc etc and then firmly insert a new thought of why that is not the case. And it can simply be because you no longer choose to believe it.
3. What Action Can You Take?
To firmly establish your new way of thinking about life and yourself, you will have to stretch yourself a little. The thing about a poor self esteem is that though you may not have realised it, your life has been getting smaller and smaller as the years went by. Because the person you believed yourself to be, was small and so it felt safe to draw in rather than branch out.
It is time for change.
Why not write a list of things you would like to do now that you are choosing to build your self esteem and create a life filled with more fun things?
Do not judge your list…
Do not allow yourself to think it is impossible to do all the things you write…
Just allow yourself to write and write, from the littlest of actions to the biggest, more wild desires.
Write it all down.
And do one thing to affirm to yourself that you are now going to start expanding and becoming more. Maybe, you can give a dinner party for friends, maybe you can outsource the cleaning of your home, maybe you can go to the theatre just because you want to and maybe you can launch that business or that new product line.
Whatever choices you make, each action expands you more and builds up your self esteem a little more each time you do it successfully. Even when you make a mistake, you still start to realise subconsciously or consciously that you are more than you ever realised and frankly, you were pretty awesome already.
It is hard to talk of anything personal development-y without mention of gratitude. This time, I want you to affirm yourself and think of things you are grateful to yourself for. Dig deep and find things to acknowledge yourself for. All of these parts of the self-esteem pie serve to make you ever bolder for the work you are called to do.
Keep a gratitude notebook or file on your computer and the more you add to it, the more it becomes a resource for you to look through to remind yourself of things you are grateful for about yourself.
5. Monitor Your Environment
This is no time to have negative nellies around you and toxic people. It is time to manage and monitor your influences so that you are encouraged to go for more and more, not less and less as you exhaust yourself trying to keep up with emotional vampires.
There are times when it is hard to avoid negative influences but you have to take control of how long you remain in their company and also what they are allowed to say to you. Spend more time with people who support and uplift you.
6. Live To Your Own Agenda
You give away your power and therefore your self-esteem when your whole life is about fulfilling the expectations and desires of everyone but yourself. It may seem to be the things to do to be good and selfless and nice but if I took a moment to ask you waht you wanted, would you be vague and uncertain or would you know, absolutely defintely know what your life was to be about?
It is time to live to your own agenda for your life…
It may even be time to rediscover it.
This will inevitably help you build a more sound and solid self-esteem when you actually start to choose yourself and your agenda.
7. The Myth Of Perfection
Sometimes, it is okay to be good enough. No, this is no reason to not do your best but you must allow yourself to move rather than keep trying to perfect something because you are living to an impossible standard. This can be the result of comparing yourself to other people’s highlights instead of choosing to be your very best self. You are not like anyone else and that is EXACTLY the way it should be so why, oh why try so hard to be someone else.
This of course, leads to procrastination and then you fall into the trap of feeling like you can never get anything done and then, your self-esteem takes another nose-dive.
Break free of this downward cycle.
How to build self-esteem in the face of the perfectionism myth? – Take Action With What You Have On Hand Today & Stop Procrastinating. There is nothing like bold action (right or wrong) to shake you out of lethargy and make you see just how powerful you can be. And honey, you can handle it, even if you got it wrong! so Relax and be powerful.
Which of these will you work on first? Tell me in the comments and if you have any other tips, do mention as well.
PS – I am doing a free webinar on Thursday – Wanna join in? Register now on RosemaryNonnyKnight.com/freemasterclass