Confessions of A Highly Sexual Leader

I was about 7 the first time I read an adult themed book…

Being an avid reader and being in Nigeria, there was not a great supply of children’s books for me to read and I think my parents out of exasperation at my persistent desire for more and more books, just decided to let me read whatever I could find around the house.

And this started something happening in my female bits and it felt good…

I was about 8 when I was drawing raunchy pictures of men’s bits.  I remember my older sister finding a picture and being somewhat horrified that I was drawing this stuff…

I can’t quite remember how I got out of explaining that…

It was also around this time that my Dad had an accident that left him paralysed from his neck down and my mum was being run ragged trying to keep him alive, being pregnant with my youngest brother and trying to keep an eye on the household and on us three…

It was at this time, on one of her trips to the UK to be by my Dad’s side as the doctors tried to fix him up before sending him home to us…

It was at this very confusing and lonely time that two of the female househelps decided to introduce me to the world of sex.

They asked if I wanted ‘Love Nwantiti’ – (Translation – Little bit of love – Deeper translation – My first and only experience of lesbian sex)

And I went along with it.

Sucking breasts, feeling private parts…

It felt good.

It felt as though I was connecting again with someone…

It felt naughty…

I was not supposed to tell my mum…

So, I didn’t…

I remember getting pushed away a day or so later when I tried to reach and touch the same parts but I did it during the day and it was not acceptable then…

Confusion reigned…

It felt good and it felt bad…

What was it?

What should I have felt?

And then one of the househelps left pornography under my bed and being the curious little lady that I was, I discovered it and I devoured it all…

It made me feel really good…

It was my private pleasure that took me from the pain of life…

Incidentally, my other private pleasure was reading the Bible…

Seeking God – I wanted to KNOW him…

To be connected with Spirit, even then!

Two pleasures – So unusual for a 7/8 year old and yet, I look back now with pain as I recognise just how lonely I was…

No one to really explain all this too because I felt bad and at the same time, it was a hidden pleasure that made me feel good, if just for a while…

Before the guilt, shame, uncertainty, confusion kicked in and I wondered if I would be sent to hell!

And I would veer sharply from being someone who imagined growing up to be a stripper on one hand…

And a nun on the other…

Spirit, Sex – At conflict within me…

Was I good?

Was I bad?

I could not hear God at that stage of my journey so I listened to the teaching of others and they all seems to suggest that sex was a bad thing…

So I took that to be the truth…

And felt more and more guilty about these hidden desires that needed an outlet from time to time…

To be continued!…

Why do I write this now?

Why do I tell stories that have been hidden for a long time?

Because it is time to shine a light publicly on my own dark places.  Why?

Because I have found healing and freedom and now I can walk more fully in my calling creating wealth ding what I love to do and it just may help you face your dark places and in doing so, you will find freedom…

Because like me, you are leader, called, chosen, commissioned even!  To change lives, to help other people and while you hide because you think you have done some unforgiveable, unacceptable things, the world suffers…

I want you to know that you are not alone…

And that it is absolutely possible to be Spiritual, Sexual and Successful – In fact, you were created to be exactly that!  There is no one thing that is more right than the other…

The only problem you may have is your perception of right and wrong…

Your judgement of yourself…

What people may have taught you to believe…

And if your connection with your higher power is not one in which you can hear directly then you will have taken on the teaching and opinion of many others and they are usually teachings that make you feel bad about who you are.

They make you feel that there is something inherently wrong with you…

And so you think that you are not good enough to do the work you feel called to do…

When you are EXACTLY the person to do the work you dream of doing…

And of course, you are a successful person in the eyes of those around you but you know you want more and that you are called to more…

And you are no longer willing to settle…

Feel free to get in touch in the comments or privately, if you want support in making your big ideas happen while accepting every part of you.  Watch out for Spirit Sex Sales Success – A new 6 week coaching program I am putting together for leaders like you who choose to wake up to the fullness of their potential.

Fight for, deliberately design the life you are born to live!

Part 2

2 Comments

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge

Copyright © 2017 Rosemary Nonny Knight All Rights Reserved.
Core Genius Ltd. Office: +44 (121) 318-5554 | 1-850-273-6785 |