Yes, Some Days It Will Feel Like You Are Being Torn Apart Inside & You Can Still Move Forward

Life can feel crazy hard sometimes.

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It can feel like you are being torn apart inside.

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And you want to cry, cry, cry and die sometimes.

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I certainly do.

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This journey is not for the fainthearted.

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there is a reason why many would rather numb themselves than feel anything.

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Because feelings can be exhilarating and joyous AND THEY CAN ALSO BE CRAZY HARD.

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It is all well and good talking about letting go but at times, I just don’t know how to.

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WEll, that is not strictly true – I always know how to but I don’t always want to because I get scared of losing that false layer of myself.  I claim not to want that false layer but I am also pretty attached to it because it is all I have ever known and it feels like I am dying and dying and dying and I wonder how much more death I can take.

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And so I hold on.

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Even though it is hurting me.

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And then I get all sorry for myself except I cannot stay there because I can see what I am doing…mostly.

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I can see that I am holding on to pain while claiming to want peace.

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And so, I surrender again and start writing about my vision, start writing about the life I am choosing to create, start feeling into that vision, start remembering all that I am becoming which allows me to loosen my grip on the old me, just a little more.

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Because I DEEPLY WANT all the freedom of the life I am choosing to create so I know I must let go, I must DIE to the old.

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I must let go of being the caterpillar so that I can rise victorious as the butterfly.

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And as I loosen my grip on the old, I feel the Divine’s love able to flow again within me.  I am not clogging up the channel anymore.  I am CHOOSING Love and love surges through me.

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I feel it healing me.

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I feel myself being supported.

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I become brave again, if just for a moment.

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And I do the next thing.

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And then the next thing.

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The pain remains but I know another layer has been released.

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I am truly becoming who I was always meant to be.

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It is not always a glamourous journey.

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In fact, it is hardly ever a glamourous journey.

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Feeling things after years of hiding from feeling things, is not easy.  I understand the need to run from it.

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But we tried that, right?!

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It got us nowhere good.  It may have looked ok from the outside looking in, but you KNOW you were not there.  You were just going through the motions of being alive when really, you were dying inside and just waiting to physically die.

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Whereas on this journey, though it does sometimes feel like nothing is changing, I Know it is.  I can look back and see how far I have come from who I was

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I am proud of who I am showing myself to be.

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I love getting to really know me again.

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I love pushing past old limits and finding out that there is more to ME than I thought.

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I love the life I am creating.

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I AM ENOUGH.

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I do deserve the best of everything.

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I KNOW it now and no longer am I willing to settle for anything less.

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I feel the power I have at my command and I learn day by day to even more predictably wield it.

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I see the impact of my work on those I am called to.

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And I take the next step.

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Come, my love, get on path, stay on path, you are in good company.

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You are awakening.  You cannot return to the old. You cannot pretend no longer to see. That just prolongs the pain.

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Feel it, release it, grow.

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I know it is easier said than done at times but you are powerful enough to DO IT.

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All you desire – the peace and the plenty – is on this trip.

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Not at the end so you don’t have to wait forever – It is ALONG this path.

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Keep showing up.

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Keep moving forward.

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Many around you, will not get what you are doing.  It is not their journey and you do not need their permission or approval.

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Much Amazing Love

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